When we bought our first home, my knowledge of motherhood was practically nonexistent. I had a vague understanding of what it meant to be mothered, thanks to my own mom, my mother-in-law, supportive aunts, and wise friends who provided guidance. But when it came to being a mom? I was as green as they come.
Reflecting on my journey as a new mom over a decade ago, it’s astonishing to see how much I’ve grown. The anxious, overwhelmed mom who first brought her little one home is almost unrecognizable compared to who I am now. I’ve tackled sleepless nights, fevers, and enough messes to fill a small ocean. From chaotic playdates to navigating the unfiltered opinions of strangers, I’ve learned the ins and outs of motherhood—all while managing the demands of a second child.
As I sit here today, I realize I’ve gained wisdom, strength, and a hefty dose of humor. So without further ado, here are 36 things I’ve come to understand about this wild ride called motherhood:
- Laundry and dishes are like the mythical Hydra—cut off one load, and two more take its place. At least the age of seven comes to an end. Choose wisely.
- Stepping on a Lego with bare feet should qualify as a form of torture in any military handbook.
- Postpartum depression is real and can be debilitating. I’m giving you a serious side-eye, celebrity deniers.
- Rainbow Loom bands make for emergency hair ties—who knew they could double as accessories?
- Yoga pants have officially replaced the little black dress in my wardrobe—and I’m totally okay with that.
- Moms deserve a Mother Protection Program for when their kids are wronged. Seriously.
- There’s nothing quite like the warmth of a tiny backside snuggled against your belly during those quiet nighttime moments.
- Socks don’t need to match. Ever.
- Meals can be simple; a can of Spaghetti-Os and some sliced apples leads to delightful conversations.
- No matter your age, Sesame Street is still a timeless classic.
- Toddler tantrums are survivable, I promise.
- No matter how much of something you are, your child will be the complete opposite.
- Time-outs will come and go, and you will too.
- Family photos are called FAMILY photos for a reason—get in there! Your kids will cherish them later.
- You’ll survive that moment when your child has a meltdown in the grocery store for not getting popcorn.
- Coffee is great, but coffee with a friend is even better. And wine? That’s the ultimate.
- The moment you enter a friend’s house, your child will need a snack, a bathroom break, and somehow manage to break a toy.
- Taking away screen time might feel like punishment, but believe me, it hurts you more than it hurts them.
- Goldfish crackers are the universal currency of toddlers—offering a snack can defuse almost any meltdown.
- Your first child is really your test subject, your ongoing project, your litmus test for parenting.
- Nurses may wear gloves while handling bodily fluids; we moms just skip them to save time.
- When your child beams and says, “Yep! That’s my mom,” your heart does a happy dance—take that, judgmental moms!
- You won’t realize your own strength until you have to hold your child still for a shot. Superhuman strength is definitely needed.
- Potty training? You’ll survive, if just barely.
- No one buys Dreft more than once.
- Breastfeeding is tougher than anyone admits, and if they say otherwise, they’re fibbing.
- You will never comprehend New Math, and school projects involving costumes have been known to cause meltdowns among adults.
- When it comes to costumes, choose a colonial character early on; it’s versatile for years to come.
- You’ll find it’s nearly impossible to get a word in with a three-year-old.
- Continuous conversations are a distant memory, but other moms won’t notice how ridiculous you sound—thanks to their own noisy kids.
- Accidents seem to happen just as the babysitter arrives for your first grown-up night out in ages.
- No one listens to you until you’ve repeated something at least seven times.
- The thermometer’s reading doesn’t matter after the first child; subsequent doses of medicine are based on forehead temperature.
- Kids are mysteriously programmed to vomit only at 2 AM and all over their fresh sheets—always when the spare set is in the wash.
- Mom kisses have magical healing powers.
- One day, you will wake up and realize you’ve got a handle on the chaos around you, and you might just be happy—mostly, that is, except when you’ve asked someone to bring down their laundry seven times.
I don’t claim to know everything, and I’m sure more lessons await me in the future. After all, my kids will eventually be driving, dating, and living independently. Thinking about that makes me a little faint!
In eleven years, I’ll probably look back at this list and chuckle at how little I truly understood. But that’s okay, because right now I feel confident that I’m not nearly the terrible mom I thought I was back when I started. With a lifetime of motherhood ahead, I’m hopeful that I’ll eventually figure it all out… someday.
For more about navigating motherhood and the journey of home insemination, check out our other posts on intracervical insemination and learn from the experts on fertility boosters for men. If you’re looking for comprehensive resources on pregnancy, visit the CDC’s page on ART.