As I was picking up my son, Oliver, from preschool the other day, a curious little girl from his class pulled at my sleeve and asked, “Where’s Oliver’s daddy?” Without hesitation, I smiled and replied, “He doesn’t have a daddy.” The girl paused, clearly puzzled by this revelation. Before I could grab Oliver’s lunchbox and escape the potential flood of awkward inquiries, she asked, “Did his daddy DIE?”
“No,” I answered. “Oliver just doesn’t have a dad. Some families have moms and dads, while others have just moms, just dads, or even grandparents. Oliver has a mom and a sister; that’s his family.”
My response seemed to leave her baffled, as she squished her face in confusion. Just as I prepared for more questions, Oliver chimed in, “I tried a new food today, Mom! Can we go to Target?” Totally unfazed by the earlier conversation, he was thrilled about his diced pears. Sure thing, buddy! High five!
At five years old, Oliver understands our family dynamic. He doesn’t question the absence of a father figure or the fact that, despite my lack of resemblance to a certain holy figure, he came into this world through my own choice. I’ve always explained to him, lovingly and simply, that he doesn’t have a dad. And he’s completely fine with it. In fact, he’s more than fine—he’s a joyful, clever, and compassionate little boy who adores monster trucks, video games, and playing with his friends. He’s affectionate and full of life, and he’s never met his “dad.”
The reasons behind our situation are part of my past, not something I dwell on or regret. I genuinely feel that raising him alone was the best choice for both of us. Being a solo parent can be exhausting and financially challenging, but I wouldn’t change a thing—aside from maybe not going gray quite so fast. Thankfully, there are some great hair color options available these days!
With Father’s Day approaching, I’m preparing for the annual celebration of my dad, my cherished late grandfather (for whom Oliver is partly named), my brother-in-law, and, yes, myself. While I am primarily a mom, I also play the role of “dad” in various ways. I’m both the nurturing figure and the one who takes him to monster truck events. I’ve taught him manners, how to pee standing up, and I’m there to comfort him during doctor visits and encourage him to brush off his bike falls. It’s a bit like having two personalities, but way more rewarding!
As the holiday nears, I always have a chat with Oliver’s teacher about the upcoming class projects. Kids will be making crafts for their dads, and I let the teacher know I’ll be there for breakfast, thank you very much. I suggest that Oliver make gifts for his grandpa or uncle instead and hope to proudly display a new creation on our shelf next to the adorable purple jewelry box he painted for me on Mother’s Day.
This piece is dedicated to all the amazing single moms out there, as well as those hard-working mothers who balance both parenting roles. Let’s not forget the single dads who also deserve recognition on Mother’s Day. Perhaps we should consider merging Mother’s and Father’s Days into a single Parent’s Day, celebrated twice a year to enjoy those delicious brunches without losing out!
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this post on intracervical insemination. If you’re on a fertility journey, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource to explore. Also, for comprehensive information about pregnancy and home insemination, visit Womens Health.
In summary, parenting is a journey filled with unique challenges and joys. As a single mom, I embrace both roles in my son’s life, ensuring he grows up happy and well-rounded, with all the love and support he needs.