With summer in full swing, finding activities to keep the kids entertained while also tiring them out can feel like a monumental task. If you can snag a little sun while you’re at it—bonus points! Enter water parks.
Amidst the splashes and the occasional foot fungus, water parks provide a fantastic way to get the kids out of the house, all while you attempt to sneak in a few minutes of reading (good luck with that!). I fondly remember my childhood trips to water parks—those thrilling slides and the ever-tempting snack bar were enough to bring a smile to any kid’s face. Sure, it might cost a pretty penny, but isn’t it worth it to say goodbye to that farmer’s tan?
Now that I’m an adult, I have a slightly different perspective on water parks. Instead of just slides and wave pools, I often find myself imagining potential drowning scenarios and wondering about the pool’s cleanliness. I swear I can see the pee in the pool sometimes!
Recently, I had a nostalgic epiphany: going to water parks as a child is remarkably similar to hitting up bars in my twenties. While they may not seem alike at first glance, I’ve realized that in both scenarios, I was somewhat of an expert during those phases of my life. Plus, I still enjoy both experiences occasionally, and it’s clear that youth makes everything a bit more enjoyable.
Here are ten solid reasons why water parks are just like bars:
- Barefoot Bathroom Blues: Stepping into those restrooms without shoes is a leap of faith. The floors are often a minefield of questionable substances, complete with at least three abandoned Band-Aids.
- Inappropriate Attire Abounds: Whether it’s unflattering string bikinis or eye-popping crop tops, there’s a guarantee you’ll be seeing some skin—because, well, why not?
- The Male Gaze: Both venues attract men who are keenly interested in the opposite sex. Whether it’s a guy at the bar or a dad at the water park, expect some serious eyeing of skin (see #2).
- Getting Toasted: Whether it’s from sun exposure or an overindulgence in cocktails, you’re likely to leave both places feeling a bit worse for wear—sunburned or nursing a headache from last night’s escapades.
- Pricey Snacks and Sips: Be prepared to shell out at least triple the amount for food and drinks at both locations. But hey, when you’re thirsty or hungry, you’ll pay it without a second thought!
- Wristbands Galore: Upon entry, you’re often treated to a wristband—a lovely little piece of paper that signifies you’ve paid to play. Just don’t spill your drink on it; those colors bleed like crazy!
- Cringe-Worthy Tunes: Expect to be subjected to some truly awful music. Whether it’s a cover band that sounds more like a high school talent show or a water park DJ blasting bubblegum pop, your ears might not be thanking you.
- Tears Are Guaranteed: Disputes over who gets to use the water slide or who’s buying the next round are bound to lead to tears. Someone’s always throwing a fit!
- Hair Disaster: Leaving either place, your hair is likely to resemble a hot mess. Whether it’s a sweaty situation or a drink spill, you might want to keep a hat handy.
- Bring Your Bestie: Both venues are better enjoyed with a girlfriend by your side. You need that support system to navigate the chaos and remind you of the unspoken rules of the scene.
So, are you convinced yet? Pack your bag for a day at the water park (or maybe just a night out at the bar). Or, you could always opt for a cozy night in with Netflix—at least no one will mind if your top slips!
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