My mother stepped into motherhood at the tender age of 21, and I followed suit, becoming a mom at the same age. She was a grandmother by 42, a time when she seemed ancient—so very ancient. Now that I’ve crossed into my 40s, a decade I once thought was “old,” I find myself wanting to share some wisdom with my younger selves in their 20s and 30s.
Embrace the Present
First and foremost, live in the moment. Ask yourself, “Will this matter in five years? What about in ten?” If the answer is no, let it go. Worrying robs you of joy, and so does comparison. Remember, your journey is unique—stop measuring yourself against others.
You Think You’re Smart? Think Again
You might believe you’re quite clever, and maybe you are. But trust me, when you reach 40, you’ll look back and realize just how naive you were. I suspect that 60-year-old me will have the same revelation about my 40s. Embrace mistakes; they are crucial for growth. You’ll continue to make them, so get comfortable with the idea.
You’re Not Unattractive
Start accepting yourself now. All those little flaws you obsess over will still be there at 40, and they might even seem more pronounced. Yet, you’ll also be more capable than you are now, so appreciate your body. Wrinkles and stretch marks will come, but they are simply markers of your journey. Enjoy your physicality while you have it—your knees and back may not be as forgiving later.
Money Isn’t Everything
It may feel vital now, but as long as you can pay your bills and put food on the table, you’re doing fine. In two decades, it won’t be the cash you remember, but the experiences you had and the love you shared. Start saving, and distinguish between needs and wants. Those material possessions, like that trendy pair of jeans you had to have? They won’t last.
Don’t Settle for Less
Don’t rush into marriage just because it seems like the next logical step. If you have serious doubts about your partner, take a moment to reconsider. Are you ignoring significant issues because they seem minor? If something matters to you—like differing views on important topics—don’t dismiss it. Make a list of ten essential qualities you want in a partner and stick to the first five.
Commit Fully to Your Marriage
Once you tie the knot, give it your all. Don’t neglect your spouse for your kids or career. Be honest, even if it requires tough conversations. Accept that not everything revolves around you; your partner brings their own experiences to the relationship. If you struggle with issues like abandonment, recognize that your partner isn’t responsible for those feelings.
Make Yourself a Priority
Prioritize your health—both mental and physical. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t effectively care for others. Understand that you are a work in progress; flaws are part of life.
On Having Children
If you choose to have kids, know this: you will love them more than anything else. More than your pets or your favorite pair of jeans. They will turn your world upside down, and you won’t ever feel “ready.” Dive in wholeheartedly. Yes, you’ll be sleep-deprived, but those moments will be some of your fondest memories.
Cherish Your Loved Ones
Spend quality time with family—your children, parents, aunts, uncles, and especially your grandparents. The memories you create together will mean more to you than any material possession. Life is hectic, and it won’t slow down. Start finding that work-life balance now.
For more insights into this journey of parenting and relationships, check out this post on Intracervical Insemination. If you’re considering at-home insemination, Make a Mom offers reliable kits for your fertility journey. Additionally, Mount Sinai provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination support.
Summary
As I reflect on my transition into my 40s, I wish I could share these lessons with my younger selves—embracing the present, understanding the value of experiences over material wealth, prioritizing self-care, and cherishing loved ones. Life is a journey filled with mistakes, growth, and love, and it’s essential to navigate it with intention and care.
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