Last weekend, while driving home from an exhausting soccer tournament in a torrential downpour, my kids proposed we keep the excitement going by catching a movie. Honestly, my eyelids were heavy just thinking about my warm bed. If I hadn’t been the one behind the wheel, I might have dozed off for good.
Me: “That sounds like a blast! Oh wait, I just remembered — they don’t show movies after 8 PM on Sundays. What a bummer! Maybe tomorrow?”
Yes, I’m quick to whip out a little creative fib to maintain my sanity. My youngest, Lily, who’s 9, took my word at face value and returned to her game on my phone. Meanwhile, my 12-year-old son, Noah, was glued to his screen but paused to say, “Mom, what are you talking about? They have an 8:25 showing.”
Curse you, internet, for ruining my last bit of peace!
Here’s the truth: Moms tell little white lies. Sometimes, a quick fib is the difference between a restful night and a potential meltdown. We’re a crafty bunch, and a little deception can be one of our most effective tools—at least until the kids figure out how to Google things themselves.
We all have our go-to phrases, but there are also some truly imaginative tales we spin to dodge tantrums or simply squeeze in a moment of calm. Here are some of the best little lies moms share to maintain sanity, save furniture, and spare our dignity… (Thanks to all the brilliant minds on my social media for their contributions!) Feel free to borrow any of these gems.
- Drive-thrus don’t serve ketchup.
- The lunch lady calls me if you leave your sandwich uneaten.
- Our cat is allergic to Moon Sand, so it’s a no-go for her safety.
- Didn’t get a visit from the Tooth Fairy last night? She doesn’t work on the third Tuesday of the month. I forgot to mention it. I’m sure she’ll swing by tonight!
- They don’t make replacement batteries for that toy.
- Harry Styles can’t stand kids who don’t listen to their parents. Now, go brush your teeth and don’t forget to floss!
- No cartoons air at night because that’s when the characters sleep.
- The ice cream truck only plays its jingle when it’s out of ice cream.
- Too bad, but the movies, arcade, and bowling alley close at 6 PM on weeknights.
- The restaurant Daddy and I are visiting doesn’t allow kids; it’s too inappropriate there.
- This isn’t a brownie; it’s a breakfast bar packed with protein and fiber—plus spinach! Want one?
- Animals actually love being eaten. They feel special when you choose them as your meal. Here’s some chicken… make it happy!
- Unicorns exist, but you can only see them when you’re on your best behavior. Haven’t spotted one? You’ve got to be even better!
- Babies come from the internet, and that baby brother you wanted is on back-order.
- Chuck E. Cheese’s is just for birthday parties; you need an invite to go.
- What do the signs say? Um, no running, no touching, no talking. (I’m in big trouble when he learns to read!)
- Those stuffed animals will be sad if we take them out of the store.
And, of course, the classic mom mantra:
- I’m your mother; I would never lie to you!
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In summary, while we may bend the truth here and there, it’s all in the name of keeping a bit of sanity in the chaotic world of motherhood.