Updated: Aug. 20, 2018
Originally Published: Jan. 30, 2014
Is it just me, or has naming children turned into a wild competition for the most cringe-worthy monikers? It seems like every parent is trying to outdo the others with names that make you cringe or scratch your head. You know, that parent who picks a name that sounds like it was inspired by a trendy coffee shop or a foreign city, complete with an outrageous spelling featuring extra consonants and a random apostrophe? Yeah, don’t be that parent.
So, let’s break down what to avoid:
- Invent a Wild Spelling for a Common Name: Why would you intentionally make your kid’s name difficult to spell? People already struggle with spelling, so why add silent letters or unnecessary punctuation? Your child won’t become unique by transforming Mark into Marq. They’re likely to spend their life correcting people, getting exasperated that no one can get their name right—like, “It’s Mary. No, with four Rs. Yes, M-A-R-R-R-R-Y. Seriously!” If you must adjust a nickname to match the full name, that might be forgivable. For example, Catie instead of Katie for Catherine.
- Create a Confusing Pronunciation: A friend once shared a story about a girl named Le-ah. It’s not pronounced “Lee-ah” or “Lee”; it’s “Lee-dash-ah.” Yes, you read that correctly. Poor Le-ah will probably be correcting people from toddlerhood onward.
- Choose a Name Typically Associated with the Opposite Sex: I’m all for breaking gender norms, but there are more sensible ways to do it than by choosing a name that causes confusion. I mean, naming your daughter Maxwell? Come on. There are plenty of names that straddle the line without raising eyebrows.
- Opt for a Nickname as the Legal Name: My brother had a pal named JD. It didn’t stand for anything—he was simply JD. After constantly clarifying, he eventually made up a full name for himself: Jack Daniel. Southern charm at its finest, I guess.
- Pick a Name for a Silly Reason: If you want to name your child Esmeralda Ireland because it honors family, that’s great! But if your motivation is simply that you like witches and dream of visiting Ireland, maybe reconsider. Naming your kid after a random object, place, or fleeting pop culture reference (looking at you, Edward Cullen) isn’t the best idea either.
- Create a Name Just for Quirkiness: My partner and I joked about blending our grandmothers’ names into something like Glophia. While it sounded fun, we realized it was unlikely to be as original as we thought. If you lack a solid reason to invent a name, it’s best to steer clear.
Ultimately, you can name your child whatever you like, but if you choose something outlandish, have a good justification—or at least a decent story. And if you decide to be “that parent” with an unusual name, don’t shy away from sharing it. When someone hesitates to reveal their baby’s name, it usually raises suspicions that it’s a regrettable choice.
When you’re picking a name, remember: the child has to live with it. Your unique name choice could be a badge of honor or a source of teasing. So, think carefully before naming your child after your favorite fruit or color, as it might not be as charming as you think.
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Summary
Naming your baby is a big decision, and while creativity is encouraged, there are certain pitfalls to avoid. From complicated spellings to unconventional pronunciations, it’s essential to think about how your child will feel about their name. Choose wisely, and remember to have a good reason behind your choice.