Updated: March 9, 2023
Originally Published: Dec. 8, 2013
On May 30, 2014, life threw me a curveball when I received a diagnosis of Stage 4 lung cancer. For individuals in my situation, the average life expectancy is just about a year, and my current treatments focus on making this time more manageable. While there are experimental options to consider later, I have come to terms with my reality.
Back in the summer of 2010, our family vacation at Bethany Beach was supposed to be a joyous occasion. Friends and family were building sandcastles, splashing in the waves, and generally enjoying life—everyone except me. I was preoccupied with unread emails and blog post ideas swirling in my mind, struggling to find a moment of peace amidst the sandy chaos. I tried to put on a brave face, but it was evident to everyone that I was out of my element, anxious and distracted.
It wasn’t until the long drive home that clarity struck me. I realized I had been experiencing a profound tragedy: I was reveling in a perfect moment without even recognizing it. That epiphany was transformative; once I made the decision to embrace joy, I discovered how to live in Heaven every single day. The shift in perspective was stark, taking me from a life filled with anxiety and dissatisfaction to one where I actively recognized the beauty around me.
I firmly believe that Heaven can be found on Earth, and it exists wherever you choose to seek it. Here are a few places where I’ve discovered my own slice of Heaven:
- I found it during long drives with my kids. Instead of dreading the endless school runs, I turned those hours into opportunities to connect. We’d talk about their lives, share music, and explore everything from deep values to silly conversations.
- I also found Heaven on the worn floor of a basketball court. My daughter, then just two years old, would finish preschool at noon, leaving us hours to wait for her brother. Those afternoons were pure magic. We’d share meals, play pretend in the JCC’s playroom, and create games, like her imaginative “Going to the birthday party.” Sitting on the court floor, rolling a ball back and forth, embracing her hugs, was a cherished experience amid the bustling chaos around us.
However, even my Heaven has its challenges. We moved into a beautiful new home this March—a dream house where my children will grow up. Yet, it weighs heavily on my heart. I’ve had a life filled with joy, but all I truly wish for is to witness my kids grow and thrive. They are my masterpiece: two happy, intelligent beings, and I fear for the void my absence could create in their lives. I want to be there to support them, to fill their lives with happiness.
And my wife—she deserves all the joy in the world. I wish I could do more for her right now.
Acceptance and sadness can coexist. I recognize that life is finite and that my time is limited. I accept that my life has been a gift and that I may not see my children grow older.
Should I lament my fate? Should I cry out to the universe asking, “Why me?” Or should I embrace the fact that, even now, in moments of confusion, weariness, and sadness, I am experiencing the best moments of my life?
The future of my health remains uncertain. But I know one thing with certainty: I am deeply loved by those who have enriched my life—a devoted wife and two incredible kids who inspire me every day.
As a small request for anyone reading this, please connect with my daughter. She might seem shy, playing alone, but she needs your friendship. My son is so sensitive and thoughtful; your words matter immensely to him. Treat him with care and respect, as he is wise beyond his years.
And for my wife, give her the support she needs. Allow her to take breaks and enjoy life. Don’t box her into any labels. She’s a remarkable woman, a loving mother, and the partner of my dreams. I may have taken pride in being a stay-at-home dad, but her contributions to our family are immeasurable.
In March 2015, Jamie Collins passed away from terminal lung cancer, leaving behind a legacy of love and inspiration.
For more insights on navigating life’s challenges, you can read about our experiences with intracervical insemination here. If you’re interested in at-home insemination options, check out these kits. And for valuable information on pregnancy, visit this resource.
In summary, life is a complex tapestry woven with moments of joy and sadness. Embracing each moment, no matter how fleeting, can help us find our own version of Heaven right here on Earth.
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