Before I stepped into the world of parenthood, I was under the impression that I would have complete control over the children who would one day call my home their own. This fantasy is often fueled by those who aren’t yet parents, who seem quick to blame others for their children’s public displays of poor behavior. But any parent can tell you that kids reserve their most dramatic meltdowns and outlandish antics for public spaces, especially when their parents are least prepared. Why unleash chaos in the comfort of home when you can entertain an audience in the check-out line at the grocery store? Children, in their cleverness, know just how to keep us on our toes.
After over a decade of navigating this parenting journey, I’ve come to realize that there are certain areas where my influence is minimal, regardless of my best efforts or the opinions of those without kids. Accepting that I don’t hold sway in these areas has led to a more harmonious household. While I don’t typically offer parenting advice, I’d like to share some insights on Three (Maybe Four) Battles Not to Pick with Your Children—this is more about protecting your own sanity than anything else:
1. What and How Much They Eat
It’s your responsibility to provide nutritious meals and to be mindful of treats, but ultimately, the decision to eat lies with your child. No amount of cajoling, bribing, or threatening will make a child consume that quinoa if they don’t want to. The goal here is to avoid turning mealtime into a battleground. Offer healthy options, but let go of the fight over what they choose to eat. Trust me, you’ll end up feeling defeated, and any victory will feel empty. I can’t recall a single child who proclaimed, “You were right about that broccoli; I simply must have it every night!” Even if they reluctantly concede, they’re likely to resent you for it. Keep presenting the good stuff, but don’t take it personally.
2. When They Sleep
Establishing a bedtime is crucial, and you should certainly create a comforting environment that supports good sleep habits. However, trying to force a child to fall asleep is an exercise in futility. Sleep comes on their terms. If you find yourself getting frustrated, remember that your mood can impact their ability to settle down. In my bustling home with four kids, there’s always one resisting bedtime. The more we push, the longer the process seems to take. I’ve learned to either let them stay up with a book in bed, as long as they don’t disturb their siblings, or to embrace the moment by lying down with them and giving a gentle back rub. I remind myself that these moments are fleeting, even if I don’t always convince myself of that.
3. Where and When They Go Potty
Potty training has been a humbling experience for me, revealing just how little control I truly have. Despite knowing all the techniques, I’ve found myself racing after my child, only to witness them choosing the carpet over the potty. It’s a classic case of knowing what to do but resisting it, which can leave you feeling powerless. That little one might have no accidents at preschool but has a knack for keeping you on your toes at home. It’s their way of asserting independence.
As for the potential fourth battle—discussing when they will have sex for the first time—I’m not ready to delve into that topic yet. I suspect it will be a whole new level of challenge, but much like the previous three issues, it ultimately comes down to their choices regarding their bodies.
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In summary, understanding that certain aspects of parenting are beyond your control can lead to a more peaceful experience for both you and your children. Focus on what you can influence while letting go of the battles that only create stress and frustration.
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