Since becoming a parent, I’ve found myself uttering phrases I never thought I would. Being a mom can turn me into a walking, talking riddle factory, spouting off the most absurd questions and pointless statements imaginable. After saying them, I often wonder, “What on earth does that even mean?” Here are some of my recent gems:
- “If you don’t put your shoes on, I’ll leave without you.” Seriously, where could I possibly go without her? I’m pretty sure my only options are the backyard or the garage.
- “Do you want me to spank you?” Who thinks a child would ever respond with a “yes” to this one?
- “If you don’t clean up that mess, you’re going straight to bed.” And it’s only two o’clock in the afternoon!
- “If you don’t stop, I’m turning this car around!” This threat only comes into play on days when we have important appointments, like a visit to the doctor or preschool.
- “You have 30 seconds to clean up those toys, or I’m throwing them all away.” Let’s be honest, tossing out all those toys sounds like a lot of work—I’m not signing up for that!
- “If you don’t eat, I won’t give you any more dinner.” This statement is utterly nonsensical.
- “I’m counting to three, and you better stop, or else.” Even I’m not clear on what “or else” entails.
- “Are you trying to make me mad?” My toddlers aren’t out to get me; they just ignore me until my eyes cross and my head spins!
- “If you don’t start listening, I’m going to stop talking.” That’s rich, coming from a mom whose audience is clearly not paying attention.
- “If you keep playing with your food, I’m going to take it away.” If they’re not eating, chances are they’re either not hungry or just not interested. Duh.
I’ll need to up my game as they grow older; they’ve clearly got the upper hand. Until then, they have 30 seconds or else… If you want to dive deeper into parenting and learn more about home insemination, check out our other insightful blog post here. For those looking for expert advice, visit Make a Mom, a reliable resource on the topic. Additionally, CCRM IVF’s blog is excellent for pregnancy and home insemination tips.
In summary, parenting has transformed my vocabulary into a series of silly statements that often make little sense. But hey, it’s part of the journey!