By: Jamie Thompson
Updated: Dec. 18, 2015
Originally Published: Oct. 17, 2014
I can confidently say that I’m a helicopter parent. It’s not my ideal parenting style, but let’s be real—I don’t have much choice in the matter. I often wish I could embody the free-spirited parenting style of my mom when I was a kid in West Virginia, where she’d strum her guitar and whip up snacks while I explored the great outdoors, splashing through creeks and biking along abandoned train tracks. Back then, she wasn’t overly worried about my grades or my piano skills, which definitely needed some attention.
Fast forward to today, and I can already picture myself hovering over my kids as they head off to school—flashcards in one hand, an egg timer for violin practice in the other, and a campaign in full swing to secure that coveted fourth-grade teacher. The pressure on parents, particularly mothers, is intense. Parenting advice and media tend to push a “cool and collected” approach, urging us to let our kids roam free, send them to the park solo, and stay out of their homework affairs.
Articles promoting this laid-back lifestyle often come across as scolding. They imply, “Oh, mothers, why must you be so controlling?” (Is there a more gendered term than controlling?) It’s as if they forget that a little control might be a reasonable response to the chaos of our current economic landscape.
Recent research by economists from Northwestern University and the University of Zurich sheds light on the rise of helicopter parenting. Their findings indicate that the increasing income inequality and the growing importance of education over the past 40 years have made a helicopter approach seem like a smart strategy. As they put it, “Children who fail to complete their education can no longer expect a secure, middle-class life. Thus, parents have intensified their efforts to guarantee their children’s success.” —Drs. Doepke and Zilibotti.
Just yesterday, I met a fellow mom who had spent a year in Sweden. Curious, I asked her if it’s true that there’s free drop-in daycare available there, allowing parents to take a breather while leaving their kids for a couple of hours. She confirmed it, saying that parents pay only a small percentage of their income, which is capped. Plus, every neighborhood has health centers to cover vaccinations and medical needs—no fear of bankruptcy if your little one needs a doctor. And get this: college is free.
What really stood out to her was the calmness of Swedish mothers. “There’s just none of the stress, rushing, and anxiety that you see with American parents.”
Speaking of anxiety, I’m a helicopter parent not because I want to be controlling, but because there’s little room for failure for my kids in today’s world. If this were the 1960s, kids could have flunked classes without facing dire economic repercussions. They could have taken time off to “find themselves” in exotic places, while we’d happily wave them off from our charming porches. But in today’s reality, if they don’t get into a good college—or worse, start college and drop out—they’re left with a mountain of debt and limited job prospects.
For my generation, who began having children at the onset of the recession, the instability of the working and middle classes is a constant concern. We’ve seen friends struggle to regain footing after job losses, their retirement and college savings vanish, and homes foreclosed. My main goal as a mother is to help my kids secure a stable future, which is no easy feat. This translates into college, possibly grad school, and that means they need to hit the ground running from grade school onward.
They’re still young, so I’ll admit—I plan to be a helicopter parent. I’ll advocate for the best schools, keep a close eye on their homework, hire tutors if budget allows, and yes, even “overschedule” them in extracurriculars that pique their interest.
People often label women as uptight and controlling, even when they’re responding logically to precarious situations. It’s high time we acknowledge that structural economic inequalities exist and are deeply rooted. When a parent is diligently drilling their child on algebra or insisting on piano practice, it’s not only rational; it’s a sensible reaction to the environment we live in.
According to Drs. Doepke and Zilibotti, I’m not alone in my parenting approach. They note, “If the trend of rising inequality continues, we may enter an era characterized by increasingly demanding parenting styles.”
So, here’s to the helicopter moms out there—doing what we feel is necessary in a world where the stakes are higher than ever.
If you’re interested in more insights on the journey to parenthood, consider checking out this link for some valuable resources, or explore this excellent guide on pregnancy and home insemination. And for more information, don’t forget to visit this blog post for additional support.
Summary
Helicopter parenting is often viewed negatively, yet it can be a rational response to the current economic climate. With rising income inequality and the high stakes of education, many parents feel compelled to take a more hands-on approach to ensure their children’s success. As the pressure mounts, it’s essential to recognize the challenges faced by today’s families and support each other in navigating this demanding landscape.