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- Parenting
Updated: August 3, 2016
Originally Published: October 14, 2014
Nestled in the charming riverfront town of Wilmington, North Carolina, life is a delightful blend of Southern charm and coastal beauty. With stunning views of the Cape Fear River, nearby beaches, and a vibrant nightlife, it’s a wedding hotspot. Riverboats glide by, filled with brides in flowing white gowns, while the sidewalks buzz with party-goers reveling in their designer dresses and comfy ballet flats.
Just two weekends ago, my husband and I were soaking up the sun with our kids at a local brewery, sipping on some craft beer when a lively group of wedding guests made their entrance. They debated the ceremony’s start time and where they needed to be. They were youthful, stunning, and full of life.
I turned to my husband and reminisced, “Remember when that used to be us? We had a wedding to attend every weekend!” We exchanged a quick touch of our fingertips before our three-year-old aimed a rock at a passing truck.
Fast-forward to the following weekend, where I found myself amidst friends, diving into meaningful conversations that lasted two whole days. It was refreshing to connect, but beneath that happiness lay a tinge of sadness. The prevailing theme of the weekend? Divorce.
My friends’ stories echoed the same sentiments, and I couldn’t help but reflect on my own worries. As women, we’re navigating a significant shift. We’ve transitioned from carefree weekends steeped in coupledom to weighing our identities and questioning whether our marriages might be beyond repair. Now, many of us are wrestling with two fundamental questions: 1) Would I find more happiness outside this marriage? and 2) Am I demonstrating a healthy relationship for my child(ren)?
It’s a confusing and frightening time.
Marriage feels like a burden right now.
As we look to the future, it’s a struggle to let go of the past. Old mistakes and harsh words linger, yet we cling to visions of hope—exotic vacations and dreams of the life we’ve always wanted. We’re nearing what should be the golden years, yet we can barely find time to finish a book!
Every year of motherhood brings change, and while our self-confidence grows, we crave reassurance: “You’re wonderful. I love you. Don’t change. You’re perfect just as you are.”
Life isn’t exactly a blast right now, filled with school drop-offs, pick-ups, schedules, and the occasional gourmet frozen chicken nugget. Yet, we yearn for the one person in our lives who loves us to sprinkle a little fun into our days.
We’ve endured many major transitions, leaving us feeling drained. Each day brings new emotional demands, lessons to impart, and Band-Aids to apply.
We desire to feel desired but find ourselves carrying muddy children indoors and wiping noses with our sleeves.
Life is undeniably tough right now. It’s a beautiful, chaotic adventure, but it can get messy. In the midst of this chaos, our marriages often get tossed around—sometimes even swept away.
Navigating transitions is never easy. This phase of parenting—moving from the intense newborn stage to the freedom-seeking preschool years—is its own challenge. Parenting is a constant transition.
One thing I’ve learned is that marriage requires work from both partners. It’s like caring for a newborn; it demands nurturing, feeding, cleaning up messes, and yes, sometimes you just have to make soothing sounds even when you’re running on empty.
Like raising a child, marriage calls for commitment. You have to push through the tough times, armed with patience and faith that, in the end, your relationship will emerge stronger and more profound.
I wish the men in our lives could truly grasp all of this. I want them to understand the unspoken changes we’re facing in our hearts and minds. Sometimes I feel like shaking them and saying, “Just hug us more, whip up dinner occasionally, and love us. Seriously, just love us. Ask us questions, show genuine interest, and love us.”
For my friends, I wish I had the answers. Unless there’s abuse or infidelity involved, it’s tough to decide when it’s time to leave. Like the riverboats passing by, blissful unions can often conceal murkier waters beneath the surface.
I know I’m in a loving relationship where both of us are committed, but even that can feel heavy at times. Yet, my marriage also lifts me up, giving me a sense of joy and fulfillment that nothing else can provide—even if society views marriage as disposable. I plan to stick it out through these transitions, nurture this partnership, and see where our journey takes us as we approach those golden years. And I want to nudge our husbands and say, “Treat your marriage like your new baby!”
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Summary:
Navigating marriage can be incredibly challenging, especially during transitional phases in life. Many women grapple with doubts about their relationships while yearning for connection and understanding. As life gets messy with parenting demands, it’s vital to recognize that both partners must invest in nurturing their marriage. While the journey may feel heavy at times, the commitment to love and support one another can lead to a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.