Take a moment to recall a time when you felt absolutely fantastic about yourself. Maybe you landed a job promotion, aced an exam, or received rave reviews after delivering a speech. Perhaps you got asked out by someone you really like! Visualize the scene and remember how that made you feel.
Now, shift your focus to how you’re feeling right now – or rather, how you felt before diving into this article. If you’ve just won the lottery, congratulations! I hope that reading this piece was your first exciting act post-win. But for most of us, the reality might be a bit different. Maybe you’re feeling decent but not spectacular, perhaps a bit sluggish or even a little down.
Embrace a New Day
The truth is, we often don’t linger in that euphoric state of feeling great about ourselves. We tend to wait for those rare moments of recognition, like a promotion or unexpected praise. But what if we could tap into that feel-good energy more frequently?
Psychology whiz, Dr. Alex Turner, from Stanford University, has some food for thought. He suggests that the perks of feeling affirmed in your sense of self are more significant than we might realize. According to “self-affirmation theory,” we all have an inherent need to feel like good people, and even minor threats to that belief can trigger a defensive response within us.
This can be a hurdle, as it hampers our ability to tackle challenges or adapt to new situations. For instance, if a student gets a poor test score, they might shy away from future assessments. When someone encounters information that contradicts their views, they often resort to denial. Because we don’t routinely feel good about ourselves, we become easily threatened, which stifles our growth and learning.
Feeling Good is Key
Conversely, when we feel positive about ourselves, we’re less likely to perceive challenges as threats. This opens the door to numerous benefits. Dr. Turner and his team have discovered that simple self-affirmation exercises can lead to lasting improvements, such as:
- Enhanced academic performance in high school students
- Increased receptiveness to crucial health information
- Reduced stress in tough situations
- Aid in weight loss
- Strengthened feelings of love and connection in relationships
Remarkably, even a one-time affirmation can yield enduring effects. How is this possible? One explanation is that feeling good about ourselves can create a self-reinforcing cycle: students who feel good often perform better, which in turn boosts their self-esteem even more.
The Key to Happiness
So, how can you harness this for yourself? Research suggests that one of the most effective methods is to jot down your personal values:
- Take a seat and list the values that matter to you. Consider the standards you aim to live by. What type of person do you aspire to be? Examples could include nurturing relationships, curiosity, kindness, objectivity, or ambition.
- Select one or two values that resonate most with you, and spend a few minutes writing about (a) why this value is significant and (b) a moment when you felt you truly embodied this value.
You might also cultivate habits that regularly boost your self-esteem, such as scheduling enjoyable activities or spending time with friends who uplift you. Consider teaming up with a buddy or family member to share what you admire about each other – it’s a win-win for affirming both yourself and someone else.
Avoid letting your self-worth hinge on unpredictable events like promotions or compliments. Reflect on what truly matters to you and who you want to be, then reward yourself based on your own standards. Give it a try now and see if you can recreate that wonderful feeling from earlier.
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Summary
Feeling good about yourself doesn’t have to be a rare occurrence; by focusing on your core values and building positive habits, you can create a more consistent sense of self-worth. Remember, your self-esteem should not depend on external validation but rather on your own standards and beliefs.