A few weeks ago, I finally decided to treat myself to a bath. You know, the kind with bubbles and all the luxurious trimmings. I manage to squeeze one of these in every seven or eight months. Relaxing? Not really. But I’m persistent, so I try again from time to time. I stopped locking the bathroom door ages ago; honestly, I’d rather have surprise guests than listen to the chaos erupting outside.
“Mom! Are you done yet? What are you doing in there? I was here first! Stop hitting me! Mom, he just hit me! I need to go potty RIGHT NOW!”
And you’d think with four bathrooms in our house, I could find a moment of peace. But no. I’ve opted for the lesser of two evils: leaving the door unlocked and hoping for the best (heavy sigh).
I managed to enjoy about six glorious minutes of solitude before my first unexpected visitor barged in, plopped down on the toilet, and made herself more comfortable than I ever have on a seat.
“Why are you taking a bath, Mom? You never take baths.”
Before I could respond, in walks Uninvited Guest #2, bursting with enthusiasm.
“Mommy! You’re taking a bath! Can I watch?”
“No, dear. Shouldn’t you be doing your homework?”
“Oh yeah! I’ll go get it.”
“Okay. Wait. What?”
And sure enough, she’s back in no time, homework and all, settling down next to the tub without so much as a knock.
“I need your help, Mommy.”
Uninvited Guest #1 chimes in, “Mom is trying to take a bath! Right, Mom?”
“Yes, thoughtful child of mine,” who is still perched on her throne, gently pointing out, “Mom, I can see your… (points at her chest area). Maybe you should cover up with a washcloth or something?”
“Oh, am I making you uncomfortable? You see, in many cultures, it’s customary to remove one’s clothing before stepping into a bathtub filled with water. Just saying.”
What can I say? I seize every chance to sprinkle in some life lessons (i.e., basic common sense) for my kids.
Just then, Uninvited Guest #3 crashes the party.
“MOMMY! Why are you taking a bath? Can I come in?”
“No, buddy. Go find your dad (seriously, where is he?).”
“Okay, Mommy! Be right back.”
“Perfect.”
UG#2 asks, “Mommy, do you enjoy taking baths?”
“Sometimes more than others.”
UG#1 pipes up, “Mom, the bubbles are disappearing! Are you sure you don’t want a washcloth or something, you know, to… (points again)?”
“Nope! I’m all set, but thanks for your concern. Here’s a thought: how about you get out?”
Then, here comes UG#3, charging in like a race car driver, beaming from ear to ear.
“Stop the car, buddy! Get out of the car!”
“BUDDY, YOU ARE NOT COMING IN…” (sigh) “Hi, there!”
“I love taking baths with you, Mommy!”
“Can I please have that washcloth?”
And that, in a nutshell, is what “me time” looks like—if you can even call it that.
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Summary:
In the chaos of motherhood, even a simple bath can turn into an unexpected family gathering. Despite the interruptions, a mom’s quest for relaxation becomes a lesson in patience and humor, showcasing the delightful unpredictability of parenting.