You can dive into parenting books if that’s your jam, but sometimes, a full book isn’t necessary. Let’s cut to the chase: here’s everything you need to know about being a new mom.
Disposable Everything
First off, everything is disposable if the baby has a projectile vomiting episode on it. Sure, handmade gifts like a quilt featuring a majestic unicorn or a meticulously stitched blanket made from vintage threads are impressive. But if your little one decides to unleash a torrent of bodily fluids on that masterpiece, the best option? Toss it. Seriously. It’s a lost cause. Just put it in a bag, say your goodbyes, and if the little one has started on solids, you might want to consider a bonfire.
Nap Whenever You Can
Next, never pass up a chance to nap. Everyone knows that sleep is vital for new mothers. Telling you to grab every moment of shut-eye is timeless advice. But let’s face it: those moments can be rare. So let’s call it what it is—life hacks! For example, when your baby drops the pacifier for the umpteenth time, don’t stress over boiling it. Eventually, you’ll stop washing it off altogether. Why not skip to that part now? You need your rest, like, yesterday.
Midnight Shifts
Also, if your partner promises to handle the midnight shift but then snores through it, just ride it out. He’s not actually asleep; he simply doesn’t want to get up. Two can play that game. Meanwhile, the baby will likely drift back to sleep, and you can both enjoy a little peace.
The Excuse Lottery
Having a new baby is like winning the excuse lottery. You can easily bow out of any event you don’t want to attend by simply saying, “The baby is sick.” It’s a golden card you can play, and no one will question it. Aunt Betty will understand why you missed her seventh wedding when you mention a feverish infant.
Intense Emotions
Prepare for intense emotions. For instance, if you return to work and someone like Dave from accounting casually asks, “Whoa! Are you expecting again?” remember: don’t stab him with a mechanical pencil. Sure, he deserves a stern talking-to, but your focus needs to stay on your baby. People can be completely thoughtless, and when you’re a new mom with a whirlwind of hormones, it’s easy to feel offended. Keep your cool, and save the dramatic fantasies for after your little one goes to bed.
Support for Dads
Don’t forget that the baby’s dad is also adjusting to parenthood. While he may not be the one producing milk or dealing with the physical aftermath of childbirth, he’s navigating his own challenges too. Be patient and try not to roll your eyes too much or you’ll end up with a headache.
Big Wins Over Small Victories
Forget the small victories; go for the big win. Your little cutie might have a wardrobe full of adorable outfits, but if they’ve spent two weeks in white onesies, who cares? The baby doesn’t mind, and neither do you. Your partner probably won’t notice if you change your hair color to plaid, so why would they care about baby fashion? Embrace the chaotic charm of your home while you all get to know each other.
Let It Out
Feeling emotional over spilled breast milk? Let it out! Sometimes, holding back tears can be exhausting. You’ll find your way back to your usual self in time, and then you can save the tears for when you watch rom-coms or those hilarious YouTube videos.
Advice Overload
When you have a baby, advice will come pouring in from every direction. Some of it will be insightful, while other tips will leave you scratching your head. It can feel overwhelming, especially when you’re fatigued, hormonal, and a bit vulnerable.
Trust Yourself
At the end of the day, remember this: no one on this planet knows your baby better than you do. All the books and well-meaning relatives can’t take that away from you.
Now, go get some sleep.
For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, be sure to check out resources like the CDC for reliable information, and if you’re looking for home insemination kits, Make a Mom has you covered. You can also explore our other blog post at Intracervical Insemination for more helpful tips.