Navigating the stormy waters of a friend’s crisis can be tough. You might find yourself in the position where a friend opens up about their heart-wrenching news—maybe it’s a devastating health diagnosis or the loss of a loved one. It hits hard, and suddenly your heart feels like it’s been squeezed in a vice. You want to be there for them, but sometimes our well-meaning actions can miss the mark. Here are five things that definitely won’t be helpful during these challenging times:
1. Sit Back and Do Nothing.
Sure, it’s easy to feel paralyzed when someone you care about is going through a crisis. You might think, “What can I possibly do?” While it’s okay to step back if you’re overwhelmed or not close to the person, as a friend, there’s always something within your reach. Even a simple message like, “I’m thinking of you” can mean the world.
2. Ask, “How Can I Help?”
We’ve all been there, right? You genuinely want to assist but end up asking this vague question. It can put extra pressure on someone already drowning in their own pain. Instead of leaving it open-ended, offer specific help, like “I can drop off dinner on Thursday,” or “Would you like me to take care of your pets this weekend?” This way, you take the guesswork out of it.
3. Offer Unsolicited Advice.
When someone is grappling with a tough diagnosis or loss, they’re bombarded with information from every angle. Added layers of advice, even if well-intentioned, can feel overwhelming. Unless they ask for your input, it’s best to listen and provide support instead. They might just need someone to sit with them in their pain, not fix it.
4. Burden Them with Your Own Emotions.
It’s natural to want to share your feelings, but remember the “Ring Theory” of support: comfort in, dump out. Your friend is already carrying a heavy load, and it’s not the time for you to add your worries to theirs. Find another friend to lean on while you support the one in crisis.
5. Tell Them How They Should Feel.
While it might be tempting to point out the silver lining, phrases like “at least” can feel dismissive. Everyone experiences grief differently, and throwing around “at least” statements can minimize their experience. Instead, let them express their feelings without judgment. Acknowledge that it’s okay to have good days and bad days—it’s all part of the messy journey of grief.
Watching someone you care about go through such heartache is one of life’s toughest challenges. Just remember, being there in any capacity is better than saying nothing at all. If you’re looking for more insights on navigating tough situations, check out some of our other posts on privacy policies and emotional support.
In summary, when a friend is in crisis, it’s crucial to approach them with empathy and understanding. Avoid inaction, vague offers of help, unsolicited advice, emotional burdens, and dictating their feelings. Instead, provide specific support and a listening ear, allowing them the space to process their emotions.