Once, my friend Jamie remarked that cleaning a house with kids around feels like trying to tidy up during a tornado—utterly futile. She hit the nail on the head. Nowadays, keeping my home clean demands a treasure trove of patience, buckets of energy, a selective memory (so I can quickly forget the chaos), a stash of chocolate (for bribery), some screen time (more bribery), and a toy that’s been on timeout for a few days (though it only entertains for about five minutes before it’s back to timeout).
So, ready to dive into the cleaning whirlwind? Here we go!
Step 1:
Gather the kiddos and issue a friendly warning—no juice on the floor, no sandwich missiles aimed at the dog, and absolutely no Lego explosions. Remind them that building “cozy nests” from freshly laundered linens is a big no-no.
Step 2:
Time to tackle the dishes, that chore that ranks among the least favorite household tasks. It’s tempting to just toss everything in the trash (kidding!). Speed through washing them or load up the dishwasher if you’re lucky enough to have one, all while muttering under your breath about how many dishes the family can generate in a single breakfast.
Step 3:
Next up, laundry. Ugh, laundry. It’s my nemesis. I’m talking about four loads a day—yep, every single day. Forget sorting; just shove in whatever fits! You’re racing against the clock here—Caillou is about to start, and nobody wants to listen to that whiny voice!
Step 4:
Inform the little ones that the TV is taking a nap and it’s lunchtime! They’ll be thrilled to “help” out, but brace yourself for the ensuing chaos in the kitchen. You may find yourself questioning why there’s a sticky mess all over the counter and why the dog is sneaking bites off a toddler’s plate. Grab a piece of chocolate and prepare for the next step.
Step 5:
While the kids munch, dash through the kitchen and clean up the post-lunch wreckage. Don’t forget to take out the trash in the bathroom, collect wet towels and those boxer shorts your partner left on the floor (seriously, three feet from the hamper?!). Sprint back to the kitchen to scrub the toilet—don’t forget to toss in one of those blue cleaning tabs!
Step 6:
Clean the kitchen again! Your little helpers have turned the sink into a mini water park, and there’s a small lake forming on the floor. Try not to slip as you navigate this watery mess and hold it together—you still need to vacuum!
Step 7:
Promise the kids they can play outside when you’re done, but for now, it’s more TV time (don’t judge!). Unravel the vacuum cord and start cleaning up your home, all while the kids are shouting in the background. Keep your spirits high—you’ve got this!
Step 8:
Midway through vacuuming, the washing machine starts making a racket like it’s auditioning for a monster movie. Sprint to the laundry room to turn it off, adjust the load so it’s balanced, and then hustle back inside because the kids are now squabbling over the remote. Plus, there’s a cat emergency at the front door!
Step 9:
Pour yourself a well-deserved glass of wine.
Step 10:
Forget all about the cleaning and head outside with the kids to let them burn off some energy. Sit back, relax, and maybe scroll through Facebook. Did you see that new article about cleaning houses? It might be worth a read, but first, let’s order pizza for dinner!
And there you have it! Follow these ten easy steps, and your home can achieve that “a tornado just hit” aesthetic. Next time someone comments on the challenges of cleaning with kids, just smile and say, “Not in my house!”
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Summary:
Cleaning your house with kids can feel like an uphill battle, but with patience and a sense of humor, it’s manageable. By following these ten steps, you can keep your home somewhat orderly while navigating the delightful chaos that comes with parenting.