I really didn’t enjoy breastfeeding. Not even a little bit. From the first time my little one latched on painfully to the day I finally said, “Enough!” after 57 grueling days, I was counting down the hours until I could switch to the bottle. Honestly, it felt like a massive waste of the precious early weeks of my baby’s life.
It’s funny how society tends to place breastfeeding on a pedestal, as if it’s a rite of passage for being a “good” mom. Sure, there’s sympathy for those who try and struggle, but for those of us who opt for formula instead? Well, it often feels like we’re cast as the villains in this parenting saga. It wasn’t until I let go of the pressure of breastfeeding that I actually began to enjoy motherhood. Once I stopped forcing something that felt anything but natural, I could finally relish those sweet moments, like rocking my baby to sleep or admiring his adorable lashes as he gazed up at me.
So, what made breastfeeding such a struggle for me?
- It Took Over My Life. Seriously, breastfeeding was a 24/7 affair. I had to feed my baby every couple of hours, and each session lasted about an hour. By the time I was done, it was almost time to start all over again. It was relentless!
- I Felt Unattractive. I thought the whole “new mom” body—complete with larger breasts—would make me feel empowered. Instead, I just felt like a dairy cow. A leaky, smelly, and sad dairy cow.
- Ouch! The pain was no joke. The sensation of having a tender part of my body pulled on until it bled? Not my idea of a fun time. Sorry, but I prefer my pleasure without the agony!
- My Body Was Still Not Mine. By the end of my pregnancy, all I wanted was to reclaim my body. Yet, while I was breastfeeding, I felt like I was just a food delivery service with legs.
- Pumping. Need I say more?
- Uncertainty About Intake. My little guy seemed to be feeding constantly, but I had no idea how much he was actually getting. Was he starving? Was I just a human milk fountain? Your guess is as good as mine.
- Hormonal Mayhem. My emotions were all over the place. Imagine PMS times ten, and you’ll get a sense of what I was feeling.
- I Was Solo. I have a wonderful partner who wanted to help, but as the primary milk provider, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. My baby’s well-being depended solely on me, and that was a lot of pressure.
- Self-Consciousness. Major props to the women who can breastfeed in public without a care. I, however, was not one of them. Whenever someone visited, I would rush off to find a private spot. Not exactly the best situation for a new mom craving connection.
- The Guilt. Each feeding session left me questioning myself: Why wasn’t I bonding? Why didn’t I love this? What was wrong with me? Over time, I learned that I wasn’t a bad mom; I just struggled with this aspect of motherhood. Thankfully, I excel in other areas, and my journey as a mother isn’t solely defined by how I chose to nourish my baby.
If you’ve felt the same way, know you’re not alone. Your worth as a mom isn’t tied to your feeding choices, and neither is mine.
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In summary, my breastfeeding experience was not what I expected, filled with its fair share of struggles and frustrations. But it’s important to remember that every mom’s journey is unique, and your choices define you far more than any single aspect of parenting.