Recently, I found myself lecturing my son about the chaos in his room. Inspired by my newfound mission to declutter, I grabbed a garbage bag and braced myself for the horrors lurking in my closet. To my shock, I uncovered leopard-print halter tops, faux leather pants, and other cringe-worthy pieces I hadn’t thought about (or fit into) in ages. Here’s a look at eight items that were once wardrobe staples but have now earned their retirement.
1. Knee-high Heeled Boots
You know the type—those sultry leather boots that scream “I’m ready for a night out!” I used to wear these everywhere: the office, happy hours, and those nerve-wracking first dates where I wanted to look chic but not too revealing. Many moms I know still strut in style, looking runway-ready at preschool pickup. But since my second child, cramming my size 8 feet into size 7 shoes feels akin to a horror movie. Of all the items I’m parting with, my strappy boots will be the hardest to say goodbye to.
2. Thong Underwear
With a spirited toddler and a sassy kindergartener, I have enough woes without adding discomfort to the mix. I’m all about the comfy briefs now, thank you very much. Plus, when one of my kids decides to lift my skirt in line at the grocery store, I won’t need to make a hasty and embarrassing exit.
3. Miniskirts and Shorts
There are women out there who rock these styles effortlessly—tall, slender, and blessed with long legs. I was never that girl, and post-kids? Forget it. Just the thought of the grooming routine makes me want to curl up and take a nap.
4. Earrings
Once a fan of earrings, I now find myself lucky if I can even manage to brush my hair. My left earlobe has closed up, rendering my beautiful earrings obsolete. A re-piercing venture? Not likely, unless my daughter and I take a trip to the mall for a cute mother-daughter bonding day. Perhaps clip-ons are the answer?
5. Strapless Bras
I’ve despised these contraptions since long before my chest experienced the triple whammy of gravity, pregnancy, and nursing. Nowadays, my girls desperately need support, and by day’s end, my bra feels more like a medieval torture device than anything else. No cute dress is worth that kind of discomfort.
6. White Pants
Once upon a time, I wore white pants with confidence—even after Labor Day! Now, the thought of them sends shivers down my spine. I can never predict what mess is waiting for me, whether it’s a rogue marker, sticky juice, or a potty-training toddler eager to test his new big-boy underwear on my lap. White pants will have to wait until my kids are off to college—if I chance it even then.
7. T-shirts with Beer Logos
With my six-year-old learning to read, I really don’t need her deciphering “Heineken” on my shirt. Plus, I’d rather not explain why those goofy frogs on my Señor Frogs tee from 1994 look like they’re having a meltdown. The party era is over, my friends.
8. Maternity Clothes
Let’s be honest; I still have a couple of cherished maternity dresses that I try to pass off as trendy baby doll styles. But mostly, my maternity wear just hangs there, reminding me that my baby-making days are done. While I’ve come to terms with that, getting rid of these clothes feels like a big step. As I survey my closet bursting at the seams, it’s time to reclaim that space—symbolism and all.
So much has transformed over the years, including my wardrobe. It’s high time that my closet reflects the evolved, semi-presentable woman I am today, while I consider keeping those faux leather pants—just in case I need to impress my partner or fend off an intruder. After all, every wardrobe could use a few surprises!
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In summary, embracing a new wardrobe is about shedding the past and stepping into a more authentic version of ourselves, one comfy piece at a time.