Hey there, my amazing kids. I want to take a moment to express something that weighs heavily on my heart. I’m truly sorry for how things turned out with your dad and me. It breaks my heart that our family unit has changed. I know that even though this was a necessary step, you’ve both made it clear you would prefer us all under one roof, even if it meant some tension. I realize now that my struggle to breathe in our old life was not something you could see, but I wish I could have shared that with you in a way that didn’t hurt.
I’m sorry that you have to shuffle between two homes. I know that even a weekend away can feel stressful when I’m packing all the essentials: clothes, gadgets, and toiletries. You two handle it like champs, moving back and forth, and I appreciate your resilience. It must be exhausting, and I’m the one who created this situation—so, I apologize for that.
I also want to say I’m sorry for how awkward it must feel to see your dad and me moving on with new relationships. I hope that in the long run, it will show you what a healthy relationship looks like, but I understand that right now, it’s probably just uncomfortable. Seeing one parent show affection to someone else can feel a bit like watching a cringe-worthy scene from a movie—believe me, I get it.
Even though your dad and I try hard not to put you in the middle, the reality is, you’re right there in the thick of it. I can only imagine how it feels when you have to share the highlights of your time with your dad while I’m listening. It’s great that you’re having fun, but I can’t help but feel a little twinge of sadness too, knowing you might feel guilty about it.
I’m sorry if you ever feel lonely at night, or if you miss me when you’re at your dad’s, or if you’ve had to explain to your friends why you have two homes. I realize that every holiday brings the challenge of splitting time, and I hate that you have to be the messenger between us. You’re kids, not delivery robots! And the fact that you can’t freely choose to hang out with both of us whenever you want just breaks my heart.
As your 10th birthday approached, I felt the weight of your tears when you told me how it stunk that you could only have one dinner with just your dad, sister, and me in a whole year. I wish more than anything that I could make that better for you.
I think about how I’ve never been through a divorce myself. I know what it’s like to feel left out, to long for something I can’t have, and to face challenges that feel overwhelming. While I can relate to many of your struggles, I can’t truly grasp what it’s like to be a child of divorced parents. I wish I could know your pain, but I can’t. I’m here beside you, ready to support you through it all, even if I can’t fully understand.
I hope that your journey through this will come with lessons that help you grow into compassionate and understanding individuals. Your experiences will shape you, and while they may not always be easy, I believe they will ultimately make you stronger and more flexible in this world.
My love for you is deeper than any guilt I feel. I’m so sorry for the tough moments that divorce has brought into your lives, but I also know that staying in an unhappy situation would have been far worse for all of us.
Still, I am sorry.