Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: June 4, 2014
They say youth is wasted on the young, but I never really grasped this sentiment until I had a toddler of my own. Seriously, toddlers have it made, and they don’t even realize it. They may fuss and complain, but they’re truly living their best lives! I’m convinced that Oprah was inspired to create her famous motivational quotes after spending a day with a three-year-old.
Forget about pampering at a spa; I’d rather be treated like a toddler for a day. It’s such a simple yet fulfilling life that I can’t help but wonder why no one has thought of this before. If there were a “Toddler Experience Day” spa, these are the packages I’d love to see:
Package 1: The Nap
Imagine having someone follow you around all day, gently coaxing you to take a nap. They’ll gather your favorite comfy items—like that pillow you can’t live without—and let you carry them everywhere. Next, they guide you into a cozy room and serenade you with the theme song from your favorite show until you drift off into blissful slumber. And if you feel like throwing a tantrum, rest assured that someone will be there to cater to your every whim.
Package 2: Food Therapy
In this package, a dedicated staff member will encourage you to eat. They start with healthy options, but soon it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet of whatever your heart desires! Take a bite and toss the rest on the floor if you want—this is your time to shine! Customers rave about the liberating experience and satisfaction this package provides.
Package 3: No Judgement Zone
This package grants you access to two deluxe suites. The first is stocked with endless snacks for your enjoyment or rejection. For those willing to upgrade to “No Judgment Deluxe,” you can crush snacks into the carpet while squirting liquids all around the room. The second suite is a playground of chaos, where you can collect and destroy random items. Participants have called this package “life-changing” and “therapeutic.”
Package 4: Emotional Detox
Need to let off some steam? This package offers you three to five members of our dedicated mood management team who will follow you around as you vent your frustrations. Before starting, you’ll provide a list of your favorite things, and our staff will present them to you while you scream, “I don’t want it!” and throw them back at them. One satisfied customer exclaimed, “I felt completely accepted!”
Package 5: The Ultimate Experience
Enjoy three glorious hours of endless food options, the freedom to wreak havoc, and the chance to yell into the void, all while someone trails behind you, showering you with compliments about how adorable you are. Who wouldn’t want that?
I would gladly fork over some serious cash for any one of these packages! To read more about parenting and home insemination, check out this link. For those seeking expert advice on home insemination, Make A Mom is a fantastic resource. Additionally, for more information on pregnancy week by week, visit March of Dimes.
In summary, the life of a toddler seems like a dream: endless play, no responsibilities, and all the snacks you can handle. If only we could all relive those carefree days, even just for a moment.