As we approach Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting on my unique family dynamic. Just the other day, I picked up my son, Max, from preschool when a little girl in his class tugged at my sleeve and innocently asked, “Where’s Max’s daddy?” Without a moment’s hesitation, I smiled and replied, “He doesn’t have one.”
The little girl paused, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Did his daddy DIE?” she asked, her voice laced with concern.
“No,” I explained gently. “Max simply doesn’t have a dad. Some families have a mom and a dad, while others might just have a mom, a dad, or even grandparents. Max has me, and his sister, and that’s his family.”
In that moment, I felt like a rare specimen to this five-year-old, who was clearly more versed in the ways of nature than family dynamics. Just as she was about to ask more questions, Max piped up, “I tried a new food today, Mom! Can we go to Target?”
Absolutely! A trip to Target for a prize for trying diced peaches? Count me in!
Max understands our family setup—at least for now. He doesn’t question the absence of a father figure nor the peculiarities of our situation. Since he was old enough to ask, I’ve explained simply that he doesn’t have a dad, and he’s perfectly fine with that. In fact, he’s thriving! Max is a joyful, witty, and empathetic five-year-old who adores monster trucks, soccer, and gaming. He’s a champion hugger and a delightful little human.
The “why” of his dad’s absence isn’t something I dwell on. It’s a part of my past that doesn’t define us. Truthfully, I embrace my role as a solo parent and believe it was the best decision for both Max and me. Sure, balancing work and parenting can be exhausting and financially challenging at times, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything—except maybe to avoid the premature gray hairs! Thankfully, boxed hair color is a lifesaver these days.
As Father’s Day draws near, I gear up for the celebrations that include my dad, my cherished late grandfather (for whom Max is partially named), and my brother-in-law. While I’m a mom, I also play the role of a dad in many ways. I’m the nurturing figure and the one who teaches him how to navigate life. I’m the “let’s bake cookies together” mom and the “let’s go to the Monster Truck show” dad rolled into one. I’ve taught him to use manners and even how to pee standing up! I take him to the doctor for his checkups and comfort him through his shots. I’m also the one who encourages him to get back up after a fall. It’s a lot like having a split personality, but far more rewarding (and much less weird).
Every year, as Father’s Day nears, I have to have “the talk” with Max’s teacher, who often changes. There are usually class projects where kids create something special for their dads or have breakfast with them at school. I kindly let the teacher know that I’ll be attending the breakfast, and perhaps Max can make his crafts for his grandpa or uncle—or even for me. If I’m lucky, I’ll score a charming macaroni tie to display proudly at home alongside the sweet jewelry box he painted for me last Mother’s Day.
So, here’s to all the incredible single moms out there! And let’s not forget the hardworking moms who step up and do the “dad” duties too. There are also plenty of solo dads who deserve recognition on Mother’s Day, so why not combine the two celebrations into a Parent’s Day? Let’s have it twice a year to enjoy all the brunches we can!
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In summary, let’s celebrate the diverse family structures that exist today and honor all the parents out there who are doing their best to raise happy, healthy kids.