My son’s desk is practically overflowing with unearned trophies. Okay, “overflowing” might be a stretch, but let’s face it—most kids today probably have a similar collection of shiny awards, medals, and certificates for simply participating. By the time my son finished elementary school, he had amassed quite the assortment, leading any passerby to believe he was the ultimate superstar in the universe.
Now, don’t get me wrong—my son isn’t exactly the next sports prodigy. He once asked his coach if he could sit out because, you guessed it, his uniform was itchy. And during a community soccer tournament, he may have tripped over the ball more times than any 8-year-old should. But you bet he has trophies to show he was “an amazing athlete.”
While I genuinely appreciate that some kids are true standouts in their sports and pursuits, it seems like many others are just handed accolades for showing up. I’m all for boosting my son’s self-esteem. Did I ever laugh or roll my eyes when he struck out in baseball? Absolutely not! Like any loving parent, I gave him that supportive nod and said, “Good try, sweetie,” while secretly thinking, “It’s probably my clumsy genes at work here.”
I’m totally on board with celebrating effort, but if there were a trophy for the most overconfident kid (even when it’s completely unwarranted), my son would take the gold. But handing out trophies simply because “everyone’s a winner” doesn’t align with my vision of building his confidence.
If your child didn’t earn that trophy, what’s the point of giving it? Does it genuinely boost self-esteem, or are we inadvertently teaching them that settling for mediocrity is acceptable? Are we fostering a new generation that thinks showing up is enough? I have a friend who teaches college and has received emails from parents—yes, more than one—asking why their exceptionally bright kids didn’t get an A. Uh, maybe because they didn’t earn it?
I want my son to understand that he can’t just coast through life and still expect an A, an award, or even a seventh-place trophy. I’d rather he learn that hard work and dedication pay off. Imagine a world where everyone just gets trophies for being present—applying for your dream job? Just show up and it’s yours! Want to enter a top-notch PhD program? Everyone gets a golden ticket!
Now, I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t support our kids or encourage them to engage in life. Instead, if your little one is upset because Johnny snagged first place at the swim meet and they didn’t even get a trophy, calmly explain that not everyone can win every time. Sure, that shiny trophy may catch the light beautifully, but winning it for mere attendance doesn’t inspire your child to excel. I love my son more than anything, and I want the best for him.
I certainly don’t want to be that parent calling his college professors at 20, asking for an A on his assignments. What I do want is for him to realize that effort is crucial to achieving his goals.
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In summary, while it’s nice to celebrate participation, it’s crucial that we help our children understand the value of earning their achievements through effort and hard work.