As a parent of three—an energetic 6-month-old, a spirited 5-year-old, and a curious 7-year-old—I adore my little ones, but let’s be real: parenting can be a rollercoaster ride of emotions. It’s not uncommon for non-parents to inquire about my parenting journey, and while their intentions are usually good, some questions have begun to grate on my nerves. Here are a few of the most absurd ones I’ve encountered:
- “How do you handle three kids?” What kind of answer were you hoping for? That I’d burst into tears and admit that some days it’s a struggle? Going from two to three felt like I was already treading water when suddenly someone tossed me a baby. Honestly, I sometimes contemplate parking my minivan on the side of the road and fleeing into the nearest forest. So, how do I manage? Not particularly well. Is that what you wanted to hear?
- “Do your kids ever argue?” Really? Did you and your siblings never bicker? They squabble over everything—just last week, I had to intervene in a wrestling match because my daughter wanted to sniff my son’s fart. The week before, they fought over string cheese. Yes, my kids fight. All kids do. When they aren’t at each other’s throats, I suspect they’re scheming something… likely a toy heist.
- “Did you catch last night’s episode of Parks and Recreation?” This may not seem like a kid-related question, but trust me, it is. My television remote is no longer in my control; my kids dictate the viewing schedule now. Last night was a marathon of Yo Gabba Gabba and Pokémon. If it doesn’t involve animated characters or puppets, assume I haven’t seen it.
- “Why are your eyes so red? Did your kids keep you up?” Yes, they did! I spent two hours last night changing wet sheets and searching for Mr. Bun Bun. Ugh… sometimes I dream of setting that stuffed bunny ablaze! So, if you spot a tired parent, take a wild guess: it’s usually the kids’ fault.
- “Do your kids ever talk back?” Oh, absolutely not! My little angels are always polite and considerate. Just kidding! My five-year-old once called me “fart-face” because I wouldn’t let her watch Netflix, and my 7-year-old told my wife she “sucked” for denying him an ice cream sandwich. I didn’t teach them that, of course; they must’ve learned it from the universe.
- “What’s that white stuff on your shirt?” Puke. It’s always puke. Tomorrow, I’ll likely sport another lovely stain. If it’s not white, it’s probably something less pleasant. Welcome to the life of a parent with a baby!
- “I bet your home is filled with love, right?” Mostly, it’s a chaotic mix of messes, boogers, and mysterious wet spots. The air is filled with unexplainable odors, and my tables are perpetually sticky. But yes, when I come home, my 7-year-old leaps into my arms, and my 5-year-old shows off a new dance move that melts my heart. The baby? She just kicks her legs and squeals adorably.
What are some of the silliest questions you’ve heard about being a parent? If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination, you can check out our other blog posts for insights.
In summary, though parenting can be a wild ride full of chaos and unexpected questions, those moments of joy make it all worthwhile. For more on the subject of artificial insemination and related topics, you might find useful information on sites like Wikipedia or Make a Mom.