One afternoon, I found myself hunched over my computer in the kitchen, completely absorbed in a project. Suddenly, the garden doors swung open, and in rushed my oldest son, Jamie, cheeks flushed and a grin plastered on his face. He wore a helmet that was slightly crooked. “Mom!” he exclaimed, but my focus was still glued to the screen. “Mom!” he repeated, more insistently, “I can ride a bike!” Now, he had my full attention.
We had gifted him a shiny new bike for his fifth birthday, two years prior. The shopkeeper had assured us it was the next size up, perfect for Jamie’s height. “Room to grow,” he said, which made sense back then. But it turned out to be a miscalculation. While Jamie was tall, he was also cautious. Our initial attempts to ride ended with me running behind him, gripping the seat as he wobbled awkwardly, training wheels offering little reassurance as we navigated the streets.
After a few frustrating outings, our enthusiasm waned. The rainy autumn turned into a rainier winter, and the bike was left to gather dust and rust. During this time, Jamie became a big brother to twins. When spring arrived, life had taken a different turn. With the twins needing my attention, I often struggled to find time to help Jamie learn to ride. He discovered other ways to entertain himself outside, mostly without me.
As children grow older, there’s an inevitable process of letting go. Sometimes it happens slowly, a natural progression marked by birthdays; other times, it’s accelerated by circumstances. Two newborns at home certainly created a gap between me and my now six-year-old. I used to know every detail of his daily life, but now, stories from last week felt distant and unfamiliar when I tucked him in at night. As I loosened my grip, he was evolving too.
That summer, Jamie began making new friends, which was a challenge for him. Our home is situated in a development that backs onto a parking lot, and just a short walk through the garden gate leads to other kids his age. They started calling him to join their games, and at first, we hesitated. Was he old enough to wander 100 meters to the next yard? To play in side alleys unsupervised, building forts and secret agent labs? Other parents seemed to think so, and eventually, we agreed.
This group of kids quickly became a regular part of our lives. Jamie would come home from school and, alongside his brother, would seek them out every chance they got. On rainy days, they’d gather indoors, but when the sun was shining, they raced up and down the unbroken stretch of sidewalk, sharing their bikes. They had a mix: some with training wheels, some without, and others were balance bikes—designed to help kids learn how to balance without pedals, promoting independence.
Isn’t that a perfect metaphor for parenting? In one approach, we let our kids learn to steady themselves on the path of growing up, even as they sway from side to side. In another, we hold them up, which may feel safer but could hinder their ability to find their own balance. It reminds me of the time I used to “encourage” Jamie to walk at 13 months when he clearly wasn’t ready. I would drag him around the room, taking his weight as he protested and dropped to his knees. Those moments were for my benefit, not his. I was rushing him through milestones, treating them like tests he needed to ace.
Eventually, Jamie took his first steps, and I was there to witness it. I celebrated alongside him when he used the potty for the first time, buttoned his first shirt, and read his first word. But when he burst through the garden doors recently, eager to show me he could ride a bike by himself, the pride in his eyes was different. This time, I hadn’t taught him; he had learned on his own, in his own time.
As parents, we often celebrate milestones achieved with our guidance, but the ones reached independently can be even more rewarding. Jamie’s joy in showing me his newfound skill was a sweet reminder that sometimes the best moments are the ones when we’re not holding their hands.
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Summary
As our children grow, we often miss key milestones as they learn to navigate life on their own. From riding a bike to making new friends, these moments can evoke pride, reminding us that while we guide them, their independence is equally important. Parenting is about finding the balance between support and letting go.