Three years ago, my eldest, Emma, quietly transitioned into the tween phase without any grand announcement. Maybe I was busy juggling my youngest’s diaper change or caught up at the dentist with my middle child when it happened. By the time I noticed, I was already behind the curve. I found myself scrambling to catch up, diving into parenting books about tween girls, browsing blogs for support, and exchanging wisdom with friends, all while wrestling with my own bewilderment. If you’re gearing up to navigate the tween world, here are some insights I’ve gathered along the way:
She’s Her Own Person.
Reflecting on my own middle school experiences where I faced bullying from two so-called friends, I often find myself reliving those memories when Emma shares her “mean girl” stories. It’s easy to project my past feelings onto her, but I must remember that she is her own individual, navigating her unique emotions and challenges. My role is to support her with love as she navigates her feelings and experiences.
Be Present.
I’m the mom who casually strolls into her room, perches on the edge of her bed, and throws questions her way about her day. While sometimes she opens up to me, it’s becoming clear that I need to be there for her when she’s ready to talk. This means pausing my work when she approaches or letting her little sister watch cartoons so I can have those few precious minutes with her. I’m learning to balance giving her space while ensuring she knows I’m genuinely interested in her life.
Set Boundaries.
Living with a tween is like facing a relentless barrage of requests: “Can I watch that new movie?” “Can I dye my hair bright pink?” “What about a sleepover on a school night?” It’s tempting to just say “yes” to avoid the inevitable sass that follows a “no.” While I sometimes cave (go ahead, dye your hair), establishing boundaries is crucial for her wellbeing. She needs them now more than ever, even if she doesn’t see it that way. She might not appreciate it now, but she’ll thank me later.
Know When to Say Yes.
As much as I want to cling to old rules, I realize that Emma is growing up, and flexibility is essential. Sure, she can stay up a little later if she gets up on time for school. Yes, she can catch a movie with her friends provided her homework is done. With added privileges come increased responsibilities, which helps build her confidence and strengthens our trust. These moments are vital for when she’s 16 and asking for the car keys!
Her Emotions Are Real.
When I explain why sleepovers on school nights are off the table, I often find her crossing her arms and pouting. Her reaction can be frustrating, especially when she whines, “But all my friends do it!” Before I react in anger, I remind myself that her hormones are in overdrive, influencing her responses. It’s best to take a breather from the conversation until we both cool down.
Show Your Love Often.
At this age, she’s navigating a whirlwind of changes—skin issues, outfit dilemmas, and uncertainty over school tests. Regardless of how her day is going, it’s vital she knows she’s loved. This simple affirmation can also help defuse potential conflicts over choices, like whether that crop top borrowed from a friend is appropriate for a bowling party. Spoiler alert: it’s a no—but I love you!
As I finally get the hang of this tween stage, the reality hits me: Emma will be a teenager in just a few months. Am I fully prepared for this next chapter? Not quite, but at least I’m paying attention now.
If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out our other blog posts, including some great tips on home insemination. For those looking to boost fertility, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource to consider. Additionally, the CDC offers valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination that might be helpful.
Summary:
Raising a tween girl is a unique journey filled with challenges and opportunities for growth. It’s essential to recognize her individuality, be present for her, set boundaries, and show love consistently. As she navigates this transitional phase, understanding her emotions and allowing flexibility will foster a trusting relationship that will serve both of you well in the coming teenage years.