Ah, the days of my pre-baby body! You know, the one that could pull all-nighters without a care in the world and sneeze without a mini wardrobe malfunction? I remember it well, and oh, how I miss it!
During my pregnancy, I did everything I could think of to hold on to that body. I tried pelvic exercises to keep my lady parts in check. I slathered myself with oils nightly, hoping to dodge stretch marks. I munched on healthy snacks (well, except for the occasional ice cream binge) and worked out diligently to keep the weight gain in check. I even invested in fancy bras that promised to keep “perkiness” alive.
While I managed to prevent some disasters, there were still parts of my body I had to say goodbye to. With my boys being little giants, my petite frame took quite a beating. My once proud chest has turned into what can only be described as a couple of oversized milk bags, currently on a hiatus from any lighting situation.
Let’s take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?
- Breasts: Every mom I chat with misses her pre-baby boobs. Post-baby, they either balloon to an alarming size or deflate into shriveled little raisins. Seriously, why can’t we find a happy medium? Our breasts shouldn’t look like they’ve been left out in the sun for days without sunscreen!
- Nipples: They’ve morphed into what I now affectionately call giant flying saucers. And if you’re nursing, good luck feeling anything—it’s a whole new level of numbness!
- Bladder: I used to be the reigning champion of bladder control at work, but now my bladder calls the shots. “Go time” means just that! Who knew motherhood would turn me into someone who can’t sneeze, laugh, or cough without offering a silent prayer to the bladder control gods? This is a common complaint among all my mom friends.
- Hair: If you have thick hair, brace yourself. I once had a fabulous mane that turned heads. Now, after months of shedding, I’ve got these sad little feathered wings. I’d fit right in with the ’80s crowd!
- Butt: For some reason, my backside decided to merge with my legs during pregnancy. I guess a few thousand squats at the gym will fix that! Oh wait, who has time for that as a busy mom?
- Feet: You’d think my feet would be spared, right? Nope! They grew half a size and never returned to their glory days. So long to my beloved heels that cost a small fortune!
- Brain: Here’s a puzzler: How can I recall my childhood phone number but can’t remember where I left my phone or keys? Seriously, some days it feels like motherhood has sucked my brain dry.
- Tummy: Not that I had washboard abs before, but I certainly didn’t resemble someone who just finished a burrito-eating contest every day!
Was it all worth it? Absolutely. Would I do it again for my little ones? Without a doubt! But let’s be real—wouldn’t it be nice to rock a dress without feeling like a stuffed sausage in Spanx and jump rope with our kids without worrying about a little leak? I think we all know the answer to that!
For more on navigating life after baby, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination at March of Dimes. And if you’re interested in at-home options, you can find more information on products like the cryobaby home insemination syringe kit at Make a Mom.
In conclusion, while our bodies may change in ways we never anticipated, the journey into motherhood is undeniably worth it.