We’ve all heard of the infamous Man Cold, right? You know, when grown men turn into dramatic toddlers at the first sign of a sniffle, and it feels like the world is about to end. Full disclosure: as a mom, I have definitely experienced a Man Cold or two myself. Usually, when a bug sweeps through my home, I’m left juggling the responsibilities of caring for everyone, nursing them back to health, and somehow keeping life running smoothly—even if I’m the sickest one of the bunch.
The Mom Cold has nine distinct stages that you’ll need to navigate. Here’s your essential guide to surviving the chaos that comes your way during this trying time:
Stage One: Whining
It starts off sweetly enough with simple requests for tissues or soup. But soon, the whining escalates. Before you know it, you’re hearing complaints about the scratchiness of the Puffs Plus or a passionate plea for cherry-flavored Tylenol instead of grape. Seriously, Mom!
Stage Two: Running Noses and Fevers
While you’re on the hunt for comforting items for your kids, you suddenly hear a nose being blown. You freeze, realizing you’re holding the tissues. Uh-oh! Racing into the living room, you find your little one blowing his nose on his shirt while you start to feel chills creeping in. Congratulations! You’ve just developed a fever—welcome to the next stage.
Stage Three: Comfort
At this point, you decide that the cleanliness of your house is no longer a priority. You dress everyone in cozy pajamas, grab the tissues, popsicles, and the remote control. Just as you’re about to sink into that plush couch, you hear, “Mom, my tummy hurts,” and then—uh-oh—your child just vomited all over himself. Quick, call the pediatrician and prepare for a long wait on hold.
Stage Four: Meds
It’s too early for more Tylenol, and you find yourself wishing for an Ambien to knock you out. Instead, you whip up some broth, grab a heating pad, and return to the couch, where the kids are now fighting over the remote. Your head starts pounding, and you feel a cough coming on.
Stage Five: What Was I Doing?
Your kids are snotty messes, and someone is hacking away like a cat with a furball. You were headed to the bathroom…or was it the kitchen? Wait, what’s going on?! Congratulations! You’ve reached a state of delirium and exhaustion. Time to figure out lunch!
Stage Six: Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever, Right?
With all the complaints swirling around, you can’t keep lunch orders straight. You mutter under your breath about not being a short-order cook while rummaging through the fridge for cheese and leftover beef stew. You whip up hot stew, grilled cheese, and tea—but of course, they’d rather have more popsicles.
Stage Seven: Lost Voices & Hot Toddies
You’ve lost your voice, which is probably for the best, as all you want to do is shout at everyone for wiping their noses on your robe, complaining about your efforts, and suddenly bouncing back with energy when you’re ready to collapse. Motherhood is such a blast, isn’t it?
Stage Eight: Sleep
You survive the day with a heavy rotation of PBS Kids, junk food, and pleading for quiet. Finally, the kids are ready for bed, and you collapse at the foot of one child’s bed. You start snoring due to congestion, waking your child, who now wants to stay awake. Say goodbye to sleep and consider boarding school.
Stage Nine: On the Mend
Despite a complete lack of rest, proper nutrition, and medication, you somehow make it through to the other side of the Mom Cold. Everyone is still alive, no one is contagious, but your house looks like a tornado hit it, and the laundry pile is taller than you. You’ve survived!
Bonus Prize! You send the kids off to their grandma’s house for a few hours, allowing you to catch up on cleaning. By cleaning, I mean sleeping.
And there you have it—the nine stages of the Mom Cold. You’re one tough cookie for managing all the chaos a nasty bug can throw your way without losing your sanity. The next time someone complains about a Man Cold, just chuckle and remember: moms are made of tougher stuff.
If you’re interested in more insights, check out this blog post for additional tips! Plus, for expert advice and resources, visit Cleveland Clinic’s podcast.
Summary:
Surviving a Mom Cold involves navigating nine humorous and relatable stages, from initial whining to the chaotic aftermath. Moms juggle their own sickness while caring for their children, facing the challenges of comfort, meals, and a lack of sleep, all while maintaining their sanity. In the end, they emerge victorious, albeit with a messy house and a greater appreciation for their resilience.