Before I embraced motherhood, I was already a natural worrier. Fast forward to now, with two children to care for, and I’ve truly perfected the art of anxiety. But nothing could have prepared me for the journey ahead on August 16, 2011, when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. After a long and often frustrating path to parenthood that included everything from fertility teas sprinkled with “baby dust” (read: confetti) to acupuncture and even some daunting Chinese herbal remedies, I was finally expecting.
As the 20-week ultrasound approached, I had my own fears about whether I would connect with a boy or if my husband would be let down if we had a girl. Little did I know, the ultrasound would reveal much more than just the baby’s gender.
During the scan, my husband and I chatted with the technician, laughing about potential baby names and gender traits. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until the technician struggled to get a clear view of our baby’s face, which she seemed to be hiding. After confirming we were having a girl, our excitement quickly dwindled. My obstetrician entered the room with news I never expected: our baby had a bilateral cleft lip and a possible cleft palate.
What followed was a whirlwind of appointments that introduced us to a cleft team filled with specialists. We learned that our daughter would need surgery within her first few months to repair her lip and another procedure for her palate by nine months. It was overwhelming; I felt like I was thrust into a world of medical jargon and endless questions. I even found myself bombarding the professionals with inquiries about her future, from her first steps to high school braces, long before she was even born.
Friends and family struggled to find the right words. My social worker mother reassured me that everything would be alright, but the words felt hollow. My brother, a writer, researched what I couldn’t ask, while my sister, an ER doctor, tried her best to support me but soon realized I was well-versed in all things cleft.
Despite my frustrations and anger directed towards the universe, I prayed nightly for my little girl, wrapping my growing belly in a soft pink blanket, asking for her safety and health. I envisioned all possible realities and hoped for the best.
When my daughter, Lily, arrived a month early, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. She was adorable, with big, expressive eyes and a fiery spirit. However, as expected, she had a bilateral cleft lip and a complete cleft palate, which meant significant challenges ahead. Born slightly early, she spent time in the NICU, where she learned to eat using a specialized bottle.
As we transitioned to caring for Lily at home, our appointments with the cleft team were both enlightening and daunting. Each visit felt like a new challenge, yet the professionals always assured us that “the babies don’t mind.” I often wondered if they had ever received feedback from the little ones.
Feeding her with a special bottle, using syringes, and managing her retainer were just a few of the many tasks we tackled. We faced countless hurdles, from taping her lip to helping her heal post-surgery. Since then, Lily has undergone several procedures, including a lip and nose revision, and we anticipate more surgeries in the future. Yet, through all of this, she continues to shine with her radiant smile and vibrant personality.
As any parent, I worry—worry about bullying, her self-esteem, her relationship with her younger sister, and the future challenges she may face. Yet, I also recognize that Lily is a remarkable warrior, and through it all, I’m just learning to manage my own anxieties.
Navigating the world as a cleft mom is an incredible journey filled with love, challenges, and immeasurable joy. For more insights on parenting during unique journeys, check out this insightful post on our blog. If you’re considering at-home insemination, make sure to visit this reputable retailer for supplies that might help boost your fertility. For those seeking community support, you can find excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination here.
Summary:
The journey of being a cleft mom is filled with unique challenges, joys, and worries that come with raising a child with a cleft lip and palate. From navigating medical appointments to managing everyday parenting anxieties, this heartfelt narrative captures the resilience of both the child and the parent.
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