When I discovered I was expecting a daughter, I was thrilled beyond words. The idea of shopping for frilly dresses and cute little shoes filled me with excitement. Honestly, if they sold matching outfits for moms, I’d be the first to don a tutu again! But beneath that excitement lurked a fear that gnawed at me—the daunting challenge of raising a girl while grappling with my own struggles. After years of battling an eating disorder, I felt daunted by the task ahead.
My journey has included binge eating, compulsive overeating, negative self-image, and body dysmorphia. I had bariatric surgery at 28, but in hindsight, therapy should have been my first stop. This led to a period of anorexia. I’ve fluctuated between 300 pounds and barely reaching 100, never content with any number on the scale.
So, how could I nurture a little girl and instill in her a sense of self-love when I was still navigating those waters myself? How could I teach her about her limitless potential when I had spent years shackled to the scale, measuring my worth by that number?
For so long, I felt like I was either “too much” or “not enough.” How could I reassure my sweet daughter—who was just a tiny bean growing inside me—that she was perfect just as she was? While I can’t completely shield her from struggles, I can craft a daily mantra for us to live by, hoping it serves as a guiding light:
- Stop “Shoulding” Yourself: We often impose heavy expectations on ourselves, focusing on what we “should” be or do. This leads to guilt and shame, which can spiral into despair. Instead, let’s affirm ourselves!
- Embrace Affirmations: Challenge negative thoughts by focusing on your unique qualities and accomplishments. Look in the mirror and speak those affirmations out loud. Yes, it may feel silly, but it’s an essential step toward self-love.
- Spread the Love: Don’t just keep affirmations for yourself—share them with friends too! Instead of critiquing their choices, uplift them. A strong support system is invaluable.
- Food is Fuel: Remember, food isn’t your enemy or friend; it’s simply fuel for your body. My past relationship with food was complicated, often leading to guilt. But it’s crucial to see food for what it is: nourishment.
- Guilt Breeds Shame: Let go of guilt and embrace forgiveness. Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. The people who care for you will support your journey to heal.
- Ditch the Word “Perfect”: Perfection is an illusion. Embrace your flaws—they make you unique! Striving for perfection can leave you feeling empty.
- Live Your Own Truth: I spent years trying to meet others’ expectations, and it nearly cost me my happiness. Embracing my reality has brought me joy beyond measure.
- Your Worth Isn’t Measured by Size: Don’t let the scale dictate your happiness. You are so much more than a number.
My pregnancy brought its share of challenges—morning sickness, swollen ankles, and awkward moments. Yet, it also gave me the first opportunity to truly appreciate my body for its capabilities. The grip of my eating disorder has loosened, allowing me to find peace at last. I once prayed for physical change; now, my prayers focus on finding strength to guide my daughter away from the struggles I faced.
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In summary, my aim is to break the cycle of negative body image and self-criticism, empowering my daughter to embrace her individuality and value. Together, we can forge a path of self-love and acceptance.