Updated: Dec. 17, 2014
Originally Published: Sep. 3, 2013
My partner, Alex, and I are the proud parents of two energetic kids, and if we’re being honest, I’m the reigning champion of parenting. I’m more patient, less prone to meltdowns, and I have a knack for punctuality. I enforce bedtimes like a pro and keep a watchful eye on screen time. Sure, I can be a bit of a hardliner, but I’m also the go-to parent for epic wrestling matches and tickle sessions. If there were a scoreboard for parenting skills, I’d easily come out on top.
Believe it or not, I’ve actually devised a mental point system to track my superior parenting moments. Spoiler alert: I’m crushing it. Alex, on the other hand, sometimes gives in too easily, like when she buys gummy worms right before dinner or lets the kids stay up to watch new episodes of their favorite shows—even when it’s past their bedtimes. And when they claim to be sick on school mornings? She’s way too quick to believe them. Points deducted!
Despite this overwhelming evidence in my favor, Alex sometimes insists that she’s the better parent. It’s almost comical. Just the other night, she called me a “birdbrain” because I didn’t make our son’s bed in her preferred style, which I’m convinced is some sort of ancient Japanese bed sheet art.
There are so-called “experts” out there who claim that parenting shouldn’t be a competitive sport. But I suspect they’re just losing the battles in their own homes. Let’s be real: parenting is a fierce competition. Moms and dads go head-to-head to raise their kids in the best way possible (which usually means raising them to be just like us).
For instance, while putting our son to bed last night, Alex and I had a little spat about who’s more stubborn. Naturally, I argued it was her. She, being her stubborn self, refused to accept my verdict and insisted the opposite was true. So, I decided to consult our son to settle the score.
“Who’s more stubborn?” I asked him. He hesitated, probably trying to avoid the classic “choose between Mom and Dad” dilemma. But I pushed. “Come on, who is it?” I insisted.
“You are,” he said, looking straight at me.
“I told you so!” Alex chimed triumphantly as she left the room.
“Thanks, buddy,” I said, planting a kiss on his forehead. For confirming my point, young man, you have my eternal gratitude.
If Alex were the better parent, our son would have pointed to her, knowing that a great parent would be understanding even when confronted. But because I’m the superior parent, he felt safe enough to risk my displeasure, knowing I’d forgive him for the sake of family harmony.
My son instinctively grasped what I’ve articulated here: in the ultimate showdown of parenting, I am the undefeated champion. (And let’s keep this between us—don’t let Alex see it!)
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Summary:
In the ongoing parenting battle, one partner believes they are the superior parent, highlighting their strengths while playfully critiquing the other’s weaknesses. The humorous exchange between partners and their attempts to prove their parenting prowess underscore the competitive nature of raising children.