Updated: Aug. 23, 2015 | Originally Published: Aug. 16, 2013
Let’s be real: I need a pay raise. After tallying up the many roles we play as parents, it’s clear that the figure should be significantly higher than the under-$100K numbers floating around online ever since I took on this parenting gig.
Yes, I hear you—professional caregivers tackle some of the same challenges we do as parents. But let’s break it down. Personal chef? Guilty. I whip up meals daily. Personal assistant? Absolutely. I’m the go-to for shopping and errand running, and the staff at Target and the local supermarket know me by name.
Now, cleaning lady? I’m not winning any awards, but my husband certainly turns a blind eye to my less-than-stellar housekeeping skills—so, I’ll take that title.
When it comes to plumbing, handyman work, or electrical fixes, I’ve learned my limits—especially after my last shocking experience. But if a toy is in the toilet or the shower drain is clogged thanks to the kids, I’m the one who steps up to handle it, often with a quick Google search as my assistant.
But let’s get to the real deal here. I’m not talking about the usual job descriptions; I’m referring to the unique skills we develop as parents.
I’ve experienced some pretty messy situations—literally. The home healthcare nurses who deal with these scenarios earn around $27/hour. I’d estimate that over my time as a parent, I’ve spent about 100 hours in similar situations. That’s roughly $2,700 just for dealing with messes! And honestly, I think the pay should be higher, considering the HazMat suit and endless supply of Purell that should come with the job.
Discipline? It’s a daily affair. I often feel like the “Bad Cop,” doling out time-outs and consequences regularly. I don’t get a paycheck for this, but dominatrixes charge $150 to $300 per hour for similar work. I’m clearly in the wrong career!
And let’s not forget the physical challenges. Bath time is a circus act—trying to keep slippery babies safe while juggling two at once. I feel like I deserve an award for not dropping a kid during those nightly routines. Professionals earn around $72,000 a year for similar acrobatics.
I’m like a Terminator, constantly on the lookout for anything that could harm my little ones. Hiring a babyproofer typically costs $75/hour, but I’m doing it 24/7, which adds up quickly.
Think about hotel cleaning fees—if my kids pulled the stunts they do, I’d be racking up some serious charges. And my car? It’s a whole other horror show. If you leave a mess in a rental, you’re looking at a $250 cleaning fee. Multiply that by how often I clean out my own vehicle, and it’s clear I’m providing a lot of valuable services.
So, after running the numbers amidst the chaos of parenthood, I’d say my “salary” should be much higher than the crumbs and hugs I currently receive. Those sweet kisses are nice, but it’s high time I got a little financial recognition for all this hard work.
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