-
No matter where you sit, there will always be someone behind you who thinks your chair is their personal playground. Expect kicks, bumps, and an array of aggressive foot movements. My strategy? Make my chair the least appealing spot for tiny feet by bouncing around or shooting sideways glances that scream, “Seriously?!”
-
During the trailers, whenever a character mentions the word ‘butt’—and trust me, it WILL happen—you can expect a chorus of giggles and repeated shouts of ‘HE SAID BUTT!’ Meanwhile, parents will be engaged in a futile battle of shushing, making it impossible to catch what’s happening next onscreen.
-
If you’ve done your homework, you’ve managed to cram your tiny handbag with an impressive stash of contraband snacks: trail mix, cookies, fruit snacks, and even sub sandwiches. Who needs to buy overpriced treats at the concession stand? Not this time, folks!
-
The more you try to find a seat away from the crinkly candy wrappers, the higher the chances of someone waltzing in at the last minute with a full drum of popcorn and a bag of noisy candy.
-
If you’re watching a 3D movie, prepare for at least one child to reach out and try to grab the imaginary objects floating on the screen. Spoiler alert: they won’t catch anything.
-
If you’ve successfully ushered your kids to the bathroom before the film, congratulations! You will now be seated among a row of children who haven’t seen a toilet in days. Wear closed-toed shoes, just in case!
-
Your child will demand an ICEE, and after a couple of sips, they’ll spend the rest of the movie loudly sucking air through the straw while you shush them like a pro—because that’s what responsible parents do.
-
The younger the child, the more relentless the questions will be. You’ll nod along, pretending to understand, while you have no clue what they’re babbling about.
-
Regardless of whether the movie was a cinematic masterpiece or a total flop, your child will proclaim it THE BEST MOVIE EVER and will chatter about it non-stop for the rest of the evening.
-
Be prepared for an on-the-spot quiz about your favorite and least favorite moments during the film. Trust me; take good mental notes, or you might flunk the test.
If you’re navigating the wild world of parenting, you might find helpful tips to explore on our other blog posts, like this one about home insemination. For those interested in learning more about home insemination and resources, check out this excellent guide.
In summary, taking kids to the movies is an adventure filled with laughter, chaos, and unexpected surprises, but it’s also a memory-making experience that you wouldn’t trade for anything.