I remained in an unfulfilling marriage for at least a decade longer than I should have. Looking back, it’s evident. At the time, I was caught up in a whirlwind of confusion, convincing myself that staying together was best for the kids. I labored to mend a relationship that was doomed from the start, thinking that if I just put in more effort, I could repair what was irreparably broken.
Just like a house, a marriage needs a strong foundation to support its structure. If that foundation crumbles, no amount of patchwork can prevent it from falling apart. I may have tried to shield my children from the turmoil of our family dynamics, but I was fooling myself if I thought they were completely unaware of the cracks in our walls. While my older kids understand the intricacies of what transpired, my youngest was born into a situation that was already precarious.
In hindsight, would I have chosen such an unstable environment for him? Absolutely not. Children need simple things: love, peace, safety, and a scoop of ice cream now and then. Ideally, they should have two parents who can be kind to each other, at least until the end. Yet, while no child dreams of their parents’ divorce, my 9-year-old has picked up some lessons during these past two years that—fingers crossed—will benefit him in the long run.
1. Pancakes aren’t a given; they’re a treat.
Back in the day, with two parents and a working dishwasher, pancakes were a breakfast staple. Now, in our new place sans dishwasher, eggs and toast are the quick go-to. My kids have adjusted just fine.
2. The “Happily Ever After” narrative is pure fiction.
Even the strongest relationships face challenges and dull moments. Happiness is fleeting, and it doesn’t always require a partner. Some of my most joyful times have been during my single years, and my son has noticed this with a sense of pride and interest.
3. Fathers may not always be present, but father figures can be found everywhere.
Since my ex is miles away, I created a “Dads Club” where male friends take my son on adventures every Sunday. It’s a win-win: they have fun, and I get some valuable me-time.
4. Moms are more than just caretakers; they are individuals with their own lives.
When Mom starts dating, kids get a fresh perspective. Suddenly, she’s not just a mother; she’s a woman exploring life. And yes, she might not always make the best fashion choices, but you cheer her on anyway because she’s your mom.
5. Work matters; money doesn’t just appear.
Single moms are like warriors, juggling work, chores, and parenting. They’re hustling for every penny, which means no, you can’t have that new flying pig game for your Xbox; the old one will do just fine.
6. Being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship.
Wow, Mom is more joyful, healthy, and peaceful on her own than when she was with Dad. Home should be a sanctuary, not a battleground. Who knew?
7. I’m not the center of the universe.
This doesn’t mean my child doesn’t get my full attention when possible. Rather, he’s like a planet with a strong gravitational pull in my life—important, but not the sole focus. Ultimately, this will benefit him in the long run.
In the end, divorce might not be what anyone wishes for, but it can teach resilience, adaptability, and the importance of self-worth. For those navigating the waters of parenthood and relationships, check out this great resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Divorce can impart valuable life lessons to children, such as the importance of independence, the reality of relationships, and the understanding that happiness comes from within. While the situation is not ideal, these lessons can foster resilience and a deeper appreciation for love and life.