When I was younger, I envisioned myself as the quintessential mom who baked cookies. I imagined my kids returning home from school each day to a warm plate of chocolate chip cookies waiting for them. Perhaps this dream was fueled by the wholesome reruns of Leave it to Beaver. Regardless, I pictured myself as the perfectly polished mother: stylish, involved in school activities, and finding joy in the little moments, like greeting my children with homemade treats. That was my ideal version of parenthood.
Fast forward thirty years, and cookies are a rare occurrence in our house. They’re just too sugary and unhealthy! Plus, instead of kids coming home from school, I transitioned from being a school teacher to homeschooling my children. As for keeping the house tidy? Let’s just say I’ve had to adjust my standards. While I maintain a relatively put-together appearance, the “fashionable” look I imagined has definitely faded with age (just like my belief that I would be the most patient mom—what a joke!).
I’m not unhappy with my choices as a mother, but I’ve become someone quite different from the image I had in mind. When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I often wonder: Who is this woman? How did I end up here? And what’s with that permanent line between my eyebrows?
I thought that with time and experience, I would become more patient and understanding. However, I often feel like the challenges of parenting are just evolving. In the early days with my first child, I was so optimistic, poring over parenting books and trying my best to implement their advice. Now, thirteen years and three children later, I find myself utterly exhausted. Instead of parenting getting easier as they grow, it simply presents new challenges.
Don’t get me wrong—I treasure my kids and genuinely love being a mom. I wouldn’t share my journey if I didn’t, and the good definitely outweighs the tough times. But I can’t shake the fatigue. Is it just me, or is this the essence of parenting? Can anyone come out unscathed after more than a decade? How many times can you patiently address whining, bickering, or tantrums before you feel your sanity slipping away?
I know I’m being too hard on myself. This is likely my perfectionist side surfacing. I suspect this is just one of those tough phases, and spring will eventually bring fresh inspiration. I’ve been on this journey long enough to recognize that parenting has its seasons, but each winter feels prolonged when you’re in the midst of it.
It’s been thirteen years since my first child was born, and in another thirteen years, my youngest will turn 18. I feel like I’m climbing the mountain of motherhood, weighed down by ideals that have become burdensome as the terrain gets steeper. One by one, I’ve had to let go of those expectations—farewell to the mom who never yells, the mom who creatively plays with her kids, and yes, even the mom who bakes cookies.
I often ponder why that “cookie mom” ideal still lingers in my mind. Maybe it’s a lesson in accepting change. Perhaps those cookies symbolize comfort and love, which I do offer my children, just without the extra butter and sugar. Maybe the key is realizing that idealism in motherhood is like salt in a cookie recipe—just the right amount enhances the experience, but too much can spoil the sweetness.
The woman I see in the mirror may not be the cookie-baking mother I envisioned, but she’s making her own kind of magic. She creates healthy lunches, cooks a delicious chili that her kids adore, and knows how to mend hearts and offer sincere apologies when needed. She embodies flexibility and adventure, turning life’s lemons into lemonade. She makes her family laugh and connects with other mothers on this journey.
And yes, she still bakes cookies occasionally, simply to see the joy on her children’s faces. It’s funny how a moment of reflection can shift your perspective. Suddenly, the summit doesn’t seem so high, my load feels lighter, and I think I can sense spring approaching.
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Summary
In this reflection on motherhood, the author shares how her ideal vision of being a cookie-baking mom has transformed over the years. Rather than focusing on unattainable perfection, she embraces the reality of parenting, acknowledging the challenges and joys that come with raising children. Ultimately, she finds satisfaction in the love and lessons she imparts, even if cookies are not a daily staple.