Imagine you’re at the train station, taking your little ones to see a show in the city. Suddenly, a man steps off the train, and two toddlers rush toward him, yelling, “Daddy! Daddy!” Heartwarming, right? The dad greets them with hugs and kisses, expressing how much he missed them. But then, he walks over and kisses another man. Wait a minute—what’s going on here?
If your child tugs on your leg and asks, “What’s the deal with that?” don’t worry; you’re not alone. I’m a gay dad, and I often find myself in situations that spark curiosity in children. My partner, Mike, and I frequently encounter questions like “Where’s their mommy?” just by going about our day as any other family.
When we decided to become parents, we knew we’d need to explain our family to the world. So, here are some tips for you, the well-meaning straight parent, to navigate these conversations with ease.
1. Use the Word “Gay”
Let’s normalize the term! Teach your kids that “gay” and “lesbian” are just ways to describe love between people of the same sex. For example, “Uncle Sam and Uncle Joe are gay” or “Aunt Lisa and Aunt Carol are lesbians.” Don’t shy away from using the word; it helps remove the stigma. If your child hears someone say, “That’s so gay!” they can confidently respond, “Yeah? So what? So are Uncle Sam and, probably, Brainy Smurf.”
2. Acknowledge Their Confusion
If your child notices that two dads are different from their family, don’t dismiss it. Say something like, “Most families have a mommy and a daddy, but some have two mommies or two daddies.” It’s crucial not to value one type of family over another. Just help them see that it’s not weird, just different.
3. Stay Age-Appropriate
You don’t need to dive into the details of adult relationships. If they ask why a child has two dads, simply say, “Because his dads love each other.” Keep it light and focus on love, which is a concept they already understand.
4. Focus on Family Dynamics, Not Sexuality
At this point, your child is likely more interested in understanding families than their own future relationships. You don’t need to speculate about who they might marry someday. If they ask, you can say, “You’ll probably marry someone of the opposite sex, but I’ll love you no matter what!”
5. Reassure Them About Parenting
Kids may wonder if everyone needs a mommy. Explain that while a woman gives birth, it’s the parents—whether they’re moms, dads, or both—who raise children. Mention that everyone ends up with the right parents for them, whether through birth or adoption.
6. Have Open Conversations
Your children will likely see gay families in various contexts, from playgrounds to TV shows. When they ask questions, keep the dialogue open and don’t shy away from discussing differences. Ignoring these questions sends the message that there’s something to be ashamed of.
7. Embrace Diverse Identities
The crux of the matter is that the “gay agenda” is not about making everyone gay; it’s about encouraging everyone to be themselves. Teach your kids to embrace all kinds of families and relationships, which fosters their own self-acceptance.
Navigating conversations about gay parents can lead to meaningful discussions about love, acceptance, and family diversity. If you’re looking for additional resources on how to approach topics like this, check out WebMD’s guide for helpful insights. And for those interested in starting their own families, Make A Mom is a great authority on home insemination kits.
In summary, encouraging acceptance and understanding about gay families helps children grow into open-minded individuals. After all, family values come in many forms.