When you’re navigating the world of parenting with infants in the mix, finding the time and energy for a little post-baby romance can feel like a monumental task. Between diaper changes and late-night feedings, it’s easy to let intimacy take a back seat. But fear not! Here’s a lighthearted guide to help you sneak in some affectionate moments with your partner.
- Set the Scene for an Early Night: You and your partner agree to hit the sack a bit earlier than usual.
- Raid the Underwear Drawer: Try to find something a little less comfy than pajamas. Your options might include a worn-out t-shirt, some old knickers, two maternity bras that have seen better days, a few breast pads, or perhaps a rogue thong from the Great Thong Purge of 2010.
- Quick Clean-Up Philosophy: Consider cleaning out your underwear drawer before the moment, but then decide against it since the baby could wake up at any moment.
- Into Bed We Go: You both jump into bed, ready for some action, only to realize that you’re so exhausted, an actual early night sounds much more appealing. Sex? Postponed until tomorrow.
- Next Day, Try Again: You climb into bed once more, trying to rekindle the romance. Just as you get into it, your partner thinks he hears the baby. You both sit up, listen… and hear nothing. You resume your romantic endeavors. But then you think you hear the baby. Repeat the cycle.
- Baby Awakens: Sure enough, the baby wakes up, calling for a feeding. You get up, take care of the little one, and return to bed, only to find your partner snoring away. You resolve to ensure that you will have sex tomorrow, no matter what.
- Exhaustion Sets In: After a night of being awake with the baby, you’re too tired to follow through.
- Two Days Later: You both agree that tonight is the night. To spice things up, suggest the couch to avoid dozing off.
- Distractions: As you start to get cozy, “Thomas the Tank Engine” is staring at you from the corner. Turn him around, but in the process, you accidentally sit on a plastic Fireman Sam. Your partner tosses him into the toy box, and you resist the urge to re-organize the toys.
- Focus on Romance: Try to shake off thoughts about the toy organization. “You’re thinking about Fireman Sam, aren’t you?” your partner teases. You insist you’re only focused on them, but the distraction is real.
- The Realization: You get up to return Fireman Sam to the right box, spotting a stray block along the way. You start searching for the jigsaw puzzle piece it belongs to, realizing you’ve completely derailed the romance again.
- Back to Romance: Your partner leans in, presumably to whisper sweet nothings, only to remark on the couch’s unpleasant odor. You both decide to pause and catch up on some TV instead.
- Finally, a Break: Three days later, the grandparents take the kids out for a few hours! You both eagerly plan for a day filled with intimate moments. Your partner heads straight for the bedroom, but you remind them that transitioning from “toddler duty” to feeling frisky isn’t that simple.
- Compromise: Suggest grabbing coffee and cake in bed first. You end up showing each other baby pictures on your phones. Then, you realize you only have ten minutes left before the little one returns. So much for romance!
- Two Weeks Later: You both finally decide that a whole night away would be ideal for some uninterrupted intimacy. After arranging a stay with the grandparents, you escape to a fancy hotel, indulging in food and drinks—and finally, some long-awaited post-baby romance (which you might not fully remember due to the drinks).
- Surprise! Six weeks later, you confirm that mind-blowing hotel romance by spotting a positive pregnancy test.
So there you have it: Sex with babies around is a mix of laughter, distractions, and those precious moments when you do connect. It’s perfectly normal to choose sleep over romance some nights, while on other nights, you may find yourself wide awake with a teething baby instead.
For more insights on navigating parenthood, check out related resources like this one for home insemination tips and this expert guide on treating infertility. And if you’re looking for a trustworthy source for at-home kits, check this out for fertility tools.
Summary
Finding time for intimacy as new parents is challenging, often leading to humorous and relatable scenarios that can derail romantic intentions. With patience, laughter, and the occasional escape, couples can work to maintain their connection amidst the chaos of parenting.