Ever since I was in seventh grade, I’ve been highlighting my hair, to the point where I can hardly remember what my natural color is. If I had to guess, it would fall somewhere between “Bland” and “Yawn.” Thanks to this uninspiring hue, I find myself spending a small fortune every few months to keep my locks looking like a sun-kissed blonde rather than a frazzled lady with six inches of dark roots trying to rock an accidental ombre.
This week, while getting my hair done, a lively stylist shared tales of her tumultuous relationship with a “bad boy.” I listened intently, throwing in the occasional gasp of disbelief. When she finished, I felt the urge to impart some wisdom from my own experiences to help steer her in the right direction. I said, “Sweetheart, you can date the Dylan, but you should definitely marry the Brandon.”
At that, she looked at me like I had just spoken Martian. “Who?” she asked. You know, Dylan McKay and Brandon Walsh? The heartthrobs of 90210? One of the greatest shows ever made? Suddenly, I felt ancient. It made me a bit wistful for the young woman who never had the benefit of 90210 to guide her through life. Then I started thinking about my own kids, Timmy and Lily, and the conversations that I’ll inevitably have with them. What if I just locked them in a room with all ten seasons of my favorite show? They could emerge only after we discussed the life lessons they learned. After all, I’m convinced that every essential topic is covered in those hours of drama. Here are the key takeaways I’d want them to remember:
- Don’t get sloshed at prom and pass out in front of the principal. Charming as you may think you are, there won’t be any “Lily graduates!” chants happening.
- Avoid wearing the same dress to the formal as your best friend, dating the rebellious girl who uses drugs, dressing provocatively at Halloween, or losing your virginity while sporting the same dress as your BFF. Seriously, didn’t you see Brenda’s pregnancy scare?
- Just because your friends live in fancy houses, wear designer clothes, drive cool cars, and have a mom who’s sometimes in rehab, doesn’t mean their lives are better. They might actually envy your witty, sarcastic mom who can whip up a killer pepperoni roll.
- Drugs are bad. So are diet pills, cults, gambling, and cheating—whether with your girlfriend’s best friend or that lukewarm music executive. Just don’t do it.
- Violence against women is never acceptable. If a guy pushes you down a flight of stairs, he does not love you. Trust me; I wouldn’t hesitate to defend Lily if anyone ever laid a finger on her.
- When you find yourself at a crossroads and neither option feels right, remember Kelly’s mantra: “I choose me!” It’s a lesson in self-empowerment that’s worth holding onto.
So there you have it: six vital life lessons that I hope will help Timmy and Lily navigate their way to becoming well-adjusted adults. Honestly, parenting is a piece of cake!
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Life lessons can come from unexpected places, so why not let 90210 be part of the conversation?