Tonight, I caved in to a little peer pressure (the very thing I always caution you against) and joined some friends to watch a movie called Fifty Shades of Grey. That nagging voice inside my head urged me to skip it, but I brushed it aside thinking, “It’s just a movie, right?” Well, I should have listened to that voice, but I’m somewhat relieved I didn’t because now I have some important thoughts to share with you.
I know that one day, before I can blink, you’ll be old enough to watch movies like Fifty Shades of Grey. You or your friends might even sneak a peek at it sooner than I’d like to imagine. So, I’m writing this letter so that when that day comes, you can see the film for what it really is, rather than what it pretends to be.
What Fifty Shades of Grey is NOT
First and foremost, let me clarify what Fifty Shades of Grey is NOT. This is not a love story, no matter how much it tries to dress itself up like one. True love doesn’t even make a guest appearance in this narrative. It’s certainly not a romantic fairy tale with a sprinkle of harmless fun. In fact, there’s a severe lack of romance here. The so-called “S&M” elements are far from harmless; they present a dangerous message. The film depicts a wealthy, charming man who uses his power to seduce and manipulate a naive young woman into engaging in activities that make her deeply uncomfortable.
They are not on equal footing. There is no partnership here. It’s essentially a tale about a self-absorbed man’s controlling and violent desires, believing he has the right to use a vulnerable young woman for his own pleasure. It’s all about his needs, with the underlying expectation that she should comply, no matter how uncomfortable she feels.
As I sat in the theater, surrounded by hundreds of women buying into this so-called “sexy love story,” I felt a wave of sickness wash over me. If an entire theater of women three times your age can’t see the harmful implications of this plot, how can young boys and girls possibly grasp its dangers?
A Message for My Daughters and Son
Please, my dear daughters, don’t let the romanticizing of abusive behavior fool you into thinking you should ever accept treatment like that of Anastasia Steele. And to my son, don’t ever think it’s okay to intimidate or manipulate a woman like the so-called ‘hero,’ Christian Grey. No one deserves to be disrespected or coerced against their will.
I hope that when you’re old enough to be in relationships, you’ll know that intimacy should always be enjoyable for both partners. Consent that’s given under pressure isn’t consent at all. I hope you’ll learn to expect respect and offer it in return.
Clarifying the Template for Love
Leaving that cinema, I felt a mix of fear and sadness for your generation. If this is the template for love and romance, then we need to clarify a few things, and I hope you’re paying attention.
- If someone shows up unexpectedly at your job and acts possessive when a coworker chats with you, that’s not romantic; it’s creepy.
- If you tell someone you’re a virgin and he responds by forcefully taking that from you, it’s not love; it’s assault.
- If he tracks your whereabouts and takes you somewhere when you’re too drunk to think straight, that’s not protection; it’s stalking.
- If he enters your home without permission, it’s not romantic; it’s breaking and entering.
- If you express disinterest and he binds you against your will, that’s not passion; it’s rape.
- If he makes decisions for you, like selling your car to “surprise” you, it’s not love; it’s manipulation.
- If he monitors your calls and threatens you, that’s not love; it’s abuse.
- And if his idea of pleasure involves hurting you while you cry, he’s not a lover; he’s a predator.
Trust that voice in your head that warns you of danger, because love is gentle and kind. Love never demands or takes; it patiently waits for mutual consent. Love doesn’t come with grand gestures or expensive gifts; it simply exists.
Final Thoughts
So, my precious children, if you remember nothing else from this, let it be this: real love is easy and never forces you to feel uncomfortable.
With all my love,
Mom
P.S. For more insights on relationships, you might find helpful information at womenshealth.gov. Also, check out intracervicalinsemination.com for discussions on home insemination, and if you’re curious about fertility, visit makeamom.com for some expert advice.
Summary: This letter addresses the problematic themes of Fifty Shades of Grey, emphasizing the importance of understanding healthy relationships and consent. It encourages children to recognize the difference between love and manipulation, while highlighting the need for respect in all personal connections.