Since adopting my beautiful kids, who are all Black, I’ve encountered well-meaning white folks trying to demonstrate their racial awareness. However, these attempts often miss the mark and can feel quite uncomfortable. Here are some phrases that make me cringe and why they should be reconsidered:
- Using Stereotypes: Referring to Black people as “ghetto,” “thug,” or saying “those people” is not just impolite; it’s downright harmful. Remember, “those people” are my children and part of my family.
- Over-the-Top Compliments: When someone says, “Your daughter is just SO pretty! Oh my gosh, she’s beautiful!” it can come across as awkward and insincere. One compliment is sufficient; excessive praise can embarrass my child and highlight your discomfort.
- Colorblindness: Saying you’re teaching your kids to be “colorblind” is misguided. Ignoring race doesn’t eliminate its impact. Rather, we should embrace diversity and recognize the realities of racial inequality.
- Token Friendships: When someone begins a story with, “My Black friend…” it usually has nothing to do with the narrative. You don’t need to prove your diversity through a “token” friend—let’s focus on the story instead.
- Avoiding Race: Telling us not to make things “about race” is not helpful. There’s no race card in play; it’s about real experiences of discrimination and inequality. Listening and learning are much more productive.
- Mixed Baby Obsession: Comments like, “I just love little mixed babies” treat children like collectibles. All kids are unique and deserving of admiration, regardless of their background.
- Whispering “Black”: Using “Black” in a hushed tone as if it’s a dirty word is unnecessary. Unless it’s relevant to your tale, let’s keep the conversation respectful and straightforward.
- Deflecting Concerns: Trying to redirect conversations about police violence or inequality to “Black-on-Black crime” misses the point. These issues affect families deeply, and empathy is the needed response.
- Questioning Black History Month: “Why isn’t there a White History Month?” This question often comes from a place of misunderstanding. Black History Month highlights significant Black contributions to American history, which are often overlooked. Celebrating one group doesn’t negate others.
As a white person, I recognize that many of us struggle to find the right words when discussing race. Instead of sharing your opinions, try listening, asking thoughtful questions, and being empathetic. Remember, people of all races desire respect, validation, and a sense of connection.
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In summary, being mindful of our language and the implications behind our words can help foster better understanding and respect across racial lines. Let’s work together to create a more inclusive environment for everyone.