As soon as you welcome a baby boy into your life, the inevitable thought crosses your mind: when will he leave you? Yes, one day he’ll find another woman to adore—despite his constant declarations during his toddler years that you’re the only girl for him. Spoiler alert: he’s not being truthful.
You can’t help but suspect that the woman he chooses will harbor some jealousy over your amazing bond. They’ll say that marrying a mama’s boy is great, yet they really don’t want to deal with the “mama” part, do they?
My partner, Alex, has repeatedly told me to loosen the apron strings, but I refuse! I’ll hold on until they rot off! I mean, how much longer will he express love before heading out the door, hug me in front of his buddies, or ask me to cuddle at night? Honestly, I can’t say, but I certainly won’t be the one to end it.
If he’s 40 and still wants me to scratch his arm while we lie down, I’ll be like, “Sorry, Amanda,” or whatever name his unappreciative, son-stealing wife goes by.
Let’s face it: he may be just five now, but soon he’ll be shaving, driving, and then off to college in some chilly place. Ultimately, he’ll marry and relocate near her family, because that’s what women tend to make boys do! Then, as a father, he’ll have “wifey” call us to cancel our plans, followed by a sad attempt to make amends with a bruised Harry & David gift basket filled with pears, because he’ll remember that we love pears—just like our hearts will be bruised.
Nope, we can’t let this happen. We must take a stand against potential daughter-in-law thievery right now. And how do we do that? With a Mother-in-Law Agreement, of course! Here’s what it entails:
- I promise to compliment my mother-in-law’s (MIL’s) culinary skills, her impeccable taste in decor, and, most importantly, the remarkable job she did raising my husband.
- I will consistently marvel at her ageless beauty every time we meet.
- I recognize that my husband is essentially on loan to me for the purpose of creating adorable grandkids, who will undoubtedly resemble her and possess her wonderful traits—traits I will mention often and enthusiastically.
- I’ll remind my husband to call his mother daily, saying things like, “Have you told your mom you love her today? You totally should, she’s amazing.” And I’ll toss in phrases like, “That fabulous woman raised you! Thank her again!” and “We should bring her a gift when we visit.”
- I will always assert that my MIL is the best compared to anyone else’s.
- I’ll take her out for her weekly hair appointments and shopping trips, because, let’s face it, she deserves it.
- I’ll spend every holiday with Alex’s family because they’re so gracious, and truth be told, mine can’t compete.
- Lastly, I’m willing to move close by, whether she retires in sunny Florida, lives in a nudist colony in Arizona, or even goes off the deep end and moves to Alaska. Wherever she chooses, I’m sure it’ll be just perfect for us!
Oh, and of course, my MIL can move in with us when she’s older and can’t recall my name. There you have it! Print this out for the inevitable day when your sweet boy decides to leave you. You’re welcome!
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Summary
The humorous take on the mother-in-law relationship is encapsulated in a playful agreement designed to ensure that the bond between a mother and her son remains strong, even as he grows up and eventually marries. This agreement humorously outlines commitments from both sides, ensuring that the mother-in-law remains cherished and respected while keeping a close relationship with her son.