Updated: Aug. 22, 2015
Originally Published: Dec. 24, 2012
So, am I a single mom? Well, it’s a bit of a mixed bag. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Confused? Join the club!
When my marriage ended, someone casually labeled me a single mom, and I paused in disbelief. Me? A single mom? I live in a lovely apartment in a great neighborhood, my kids are thriving in school, and we aren’t struggling to make ends meet. Their dad, my ex, shares custody, and while there are moments when I wish he’d disappear, he’s not entirely absent.
These days, the definition of single motherhood seems to vary widely. I know plenty of divorced moms, and let me tell you, no one has it easy. While everyone’s emotional struggles are tough to gauge, we can find some common ground to compare experiences. I recognize that I don’t face the same challenges as many single moms, and I won’t pretend otherwise.
True single moms often have to fight to put food on the table, navigating near poverty while juggling bills. They’re the working warriors who hustle from one job to the next, and I’ve seen numerous athletes and celebrities applaud their resilience for overcoming adversity and creating better lives for their kids. They deserve every bit of that recognition.
Take my friend, Lisa, for instance. Her ex moved across the country, and aside from a couple of weeks a year when her son visits him, she’s the sole parent. Day in and day out, she works tirelessly to provide for herself and her child, without any financial safety net. Now that’s a single mom!
Then there’s my friend, Sara, who struggles to co-parent with her ex. Their communication is so rocky that avoiding each other is the best strategy. She bears the weight of parenting alone, both emotionally and physically.
So, where does that leave me? My relationship with my ex is far from perfect, but we manage to co-parent—most days focus on calendars and schedules. When it comes to tougher issues, like emotional well-being or big life changes, we make an effort to communicate beyond the logistics. We’re not quite there yet, but it’s a goal. Plus, I’m in a relationship now, which adds another layer to the equation. So while I may be single, I’m not entirely on my own. I also have family and friends who lend support, listen, and even sometimes give me a lift when needed.
In a nutshell, I’m not struggling for survival; I’m okay. So, by some definitions, I wouldn’t classify myself as a single mom. But hold on a minute. I’m not married to my kids’ father, and we don’t share a romantic relationship—or even a friendship, for that matter. I handle the worries, joys, and challenges of parenting solo. When I’m feeling under the weather, it’s on me to care for the kids. When they fall ill, I’m the one who has to manage it all. I can’t share the ache of missing my son during his first week at camp with someone who understands that pain. And when my daughter bursts into the kitchen in her wacky costume singing Taylor Swift, I have to relish those moments alone. I’m emotionally responsible for them 100% of the time and physically for half of it—without their father being there to share in those moments.
While I don’t have all the answers, I do know this: I’m divorced, I’m single, I’m a mom, and I’ve never been one to embrace labels. If you’re navigating similar waters, you might find comfort in exploring more about parenting and family dynamics. For additional insights, check out this post for a fresh perspective on various topics surrounding family life. You may also want to visit Make A Mom for expert guidance on your journey to parenthood. And for a deep dive into pregnancy options, Healthline is an excellent resource.
Summary:
The journey of identifying as a single mom is nuanced and varies from person to person. While some face immense challenges, others navigate shared custody and co-parenting relationships. In this piece, Jamie reflects on her own experiences as a divorced mother, recognizing the complexities of her situation without strictly labeling herself. With support from friends and family, she acknowledges the emotional and physical responsibilities she carries while embracing her identity as a mother.