If you’re a parent with multiple kids, there’s a good chance you’ve found yourself in a moral tug-of-war over your feelings for each child. You’re told that having a favorite is taboo—something you simply don’t admit as a mom. To the outside world, you love them all equally. If anyone dares to pry, you might mumble something about loving them equally but in different ways, then swiftly change the subject. Just like discussing money, politics, or religion, the topic of favorite children is off-limits in polite society.
Yet, societal norms don’t dictate my inner thoughts, and I’ve got a favorite.
With six kids aged 2 to 13, my favorite is determined by who’s being the least whiny or demanding at any given moment. Sometimes it’s the daughter who wipes her baby sister’s nose without being asked. Other times, it’s the charming boy with those long lashes who sweet-talks me into snuggling. And then there’s the teenager who, despite her recent aloofness, surprises me with a funny story from school instead of heading straight to her room. For a fleeting moment, it feels like she still enjoys my company!
But this can change in a heartbeat. That same daughter might go from sweet to stinky in seconds by letting one rip in her brother’s face, leading to chaos just when bedtime is near. Eyelash boy might inform me that my breath smells like a dumpster fire while we’re trying to enjoy our cuddle time (thanks, kid!). Just as I’m ready to escape to the bathroom for some peace and a quick pedicure, the teenager may roll her eyes and suggest I “calm down” when I ask her to pick up her backpack. Suddenly, she’s not my favorite anymore—kids who want to stab me certainly don’t earn any bonus points!
I love my children immensely, but let’s be honest: I also cherish a little peace and quiet. I adore moments of quiet thoughtfulness and prefer when they say “Mom” once instead of every single time they start a sentence. Seriously, I’m right here! You don’t need to keep saying my name.
It’s a game of survival, really. Whichever kid is making my life easier at any moment gets crowned with the “Five Minute Golden Child Award.” They hold this title for a brief period, allowing them to bask in the glow of favoritism while blissfully unaware of the competition brewing beneath the surface.
When one of them sweetly asks, “Am I your favorite, Mom?” I respond honestly, “Not right now, but you still have time!”
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In summary, every day feels like a competition for the title of favorite child, but the reality is that each kid gets their moment in the spotlight—even if they don’t realize it.