As a doting mom, I tend to be a bit overzealous when it comes to my kids’ well-being. My husband often chuckles at my protective nature. You’ll find me at the playground, climbing the jungle gym alongside my kids, arms wide open to catch them if they tumble. I’m still testing their food temperatures like a royal taste tester and bundling them up in layers during winter, even when a simple sweater would do. On the first day of school, I don’t just wave goodbye; I’m the mom lingering at the door, showering my girls with hugs and kisses while they’re already engaged with their friends. I even pound on the glass for one last wave, which sometimes surprises their teacher!
Then one day, something happened that stirred my protective instincts. My daughter, who was four at the time, returned home upset, explaining she had gotten into trouble at school. I braced myself for the details when she showed me her hands. There, on the backs of both hands, were sad faces drawn in dark blue ink by her teacher. I asked how long she had to wear them. “All day,” she sniffled, and I felt my heart sink.
The thought of my little girl sporting those gloomy marks throughout the day felt absurd to me. As a teacher myself, I couldn’t fathom using such a tactic—especially since I teach high school. I quickly texted her teacher, remaining calm, “Ms. B, could you explain the sad faces on Amelie’s hands?” She replied that it was an experiment to signal misbehavior, which didn’t sit well with me. I respectfully asked her to send me a note next time my daughter misbehaved, so we could address it together at home.
We established a system where her teacher would notify me about any misbehavior, allowing me to adjust my daughter’s privileges accordingly. It only took a short time for her to realize that good behavior at school was essential if she wanted to watch her favorite shows later!
When I shared this story with other educators and even the school nurse, they gasped in disbelief. “I would have gone to the principal!” one exclaimed. I could understand their shock, but I had my reasons for not escalating the situation.
First, I had learned the hard way about confronting authority. A few years back, when my oldest was in daycare, I witnessed a caregiver mishandling diaper changes. I rushed in, explained proper procedures, and went straight to the director. While I thought I was helping, it backfired. The teacher became distant, documenting every detail of my child’s care, and I lost valuable communication that I had previously enjoyed.
As a teacher, I’ve dealt with all types of parents—those who trust and respect my role, and those who come in with accusations and defenses. Unsurprisingly, I find it easier to communicate with the former. Parents who approach me supportively want to collaborate on their child’s growth, while those who react angrily often miss out on the insights I could offer.
Secondly, I firmly believe we must teach our children how to navigate disagreements and challenges. They won’t always agree with rules or the ways others enforce them. It’s crucial that we prepare them to be problem solvers rather than simply protesting. After all, learning to address issues professionally is a valuable skill they’ll carry into adulthood.
Returning to my daughter’s situation, while I disagreed with her teacher’s method, I needed to focus on the bigger picture: my child’s behavior. If I had stormed into the principal’s office, what would I have achieved? Perhaps I’d have caused the teacher to face consequences for a questionable decision, but my daughter wouldn’t have learned anything beneficial from it.
I’m satisfied with how I handled the situation. By fostering communication with her teacher, I not only received important feedback about my child’s progress but also taught my daughter to treat her teacher with respect, leading to improvements in her behavior.
As parents, we can’t shield our children from every struggle. We need to let them own their actions and learn from their experiences. We can encourage them to advocate for themselves, but it’s essential they do so with kindness, ensuring they’re heard.
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In summary, treating teachers with respect, fostering open communication, and allowing our children to learn from their mistakes are critical for their growth and success.