Dear Esteemed Educators,
You might not recall me as Jane or simply as the mother of Lily, Max, and Sam. No, this year, I will be remembered as That Parent. I’m embracing this title from the start to save us both from any unnecessary misunderstandings. You’re welcome.
I know you are among the most undervalued and underpaid professionals around. Please don’t ever think for a moment that I don’t recognize your worth. You play a crucial role in shaping our children’s futures, ensuring they can one day navigate life independently—hopefully for more than 22 minutes.
As we dive into what promises to be a uniquely challenging school year, I feel it is crucial to introduce myself and clarify a few things before we encounter any awkward moments in your classrooms.
This year marks the first time in 14 years that all three of my kids will be in school full-time. I apologize in advance for any chaos this may cause.
I had hoped this would signal the beginning of a fantastic new chapter. And it is—sort of. However, I’ve come to realize that having my kids in school all day is more demanding than I anticipated. It’s a lot of work!
Regarding those forms requiring my signature—yes, the ones about running a mile every Monday and the possibility of photos being taken—let me assure you, it’s not that I’m against kids running or having their pictures taken. I actually encourage it! But since I graduated from checking their backpacks when they left kindergarten, I’m just a bit out of touch with that routine. If my kids face repercussions for not having forms signed, then we may need to discuss alternatives, as I might not be able to assist with every single one.
To the band instructor: Max currently doesn’t have an instrument. This isn’t my oversight; he initially signed up for strings with the expectation of playing electric guitar. When he learned that option wasn’t available, he opted for the cello—an instrument that simply won’t fit in my car. Once he comes to terms with this, I’ll order him a violin.
To the language arts teacher who marked Lily down for not having “To Kill a Mockingbird” yet, well, that’s on Amazon. You’ll be hearing that excuse quite often this year.
To the school nurse: every time I see the school’s number on my phone, I panic. First, I’m relieved it’s not the principal; then I brace myself for potential bad news. I want to make it clear: if Max or Sam hasn’t thrown up and doesn’t have a fever, they need to stay in class. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s just that their ailments seem to vanish the moment they’re within reach of their video games.
To the art teachers: I apologize for the late payment for supplies. The costs were astronomical, and it wiped out my coffee budget! So, just bear with me a bit longer.
Speaking of supplies, I’m genuinely relieved that I didn’t have to purchase toilet paper as part of the school list. I’ve heard some schools are requiring it. Just wow.
To the math teachers: Please inform the students that asking mom for assistance is akin to cheating. When Max asked me about the probability of drawing a red sock from a mix of red and blue ones, I told him it was probably as likely as me surviving the next decade, which I also can’t quantify. I apologize if he wrote that down.
I suppose that’s enough for now. I’m utterly drained. If any of you want to meet me at the local liquor store after 4 PM, they’re having a 2-for-1 deal on my favorite drink. I’ll bring the straws.
Warm regards,
Jane, AKA That Parent
In summary, navigating the complexities of a new school year with all kids enrolled full-time poses its challenges. From managing forms to understanding teacher expectations, communication with educators is essential. For more insights on parenting and education, check out this blog post. If you’re looking for at-home insemination kits, Make a Mom offers a reputable selection. Additionally, the CDC provides excellent resources for pregnancy and at-home insemination.
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