Parenting
Updated: June 6, 2016
Originally Published: November 3, 2012
April 2010 wasn’t my first rodeo; it was actually the fourth time I found myself in a psychiatric hospital due to psychosis. But this time marked a significant shift in my understanding of my mental health and what it would take for me to truly embrace recovery.
As I sat in a cramped holding room, flanked by my husband and my dad, we braced ourselves for the conference where a judge would assess my mental state and decide whether I could leave the psychiatric ward. In that tiny space, surrounded by the two most important men in my life, I felt a rush of clarity. They urged me to remain in the hospital a bit longer, but all I could think about was getting back to my little one.
I glanced down at the handcuffs securing my wrists and ankles, trying to etch that moment into my memory. I wasn’t a criminal; I had merely been brought in under a temporary detention order during a psychiatric crisis. My dad even snapped a photo of me, hoping it would serve as a reminder of my commitment to my recovery journey—not exactly a picture for the family album, but it’s a mental snapshot that I keep close.
Back then, I was six weeks pregnant with my second child. With steadfast support from my husband, family, and friends, I’ve since made a full recovery and am thriving—though it has been anything but easy.
Living with mental illness can shake you to your core, making you question everything—your future, your relationships, and even your own self-worth. Friends may withdraw, not out of indifference, but from a lack of understanding. They’re often unsure of how to help, even as they long for the return of their old friend.
That feeling of helplessness is mutual. When a chemical imbalance occurs in the brain, it’s not easily fixable with a simple solution. This isn’t something visible or tangible; the brain is misfiring, and it often requires time, effort, therapy, and skilled professionals to restore balance.
After each of my four hospitalizations, it took months to rediscover the vibrant, confident person I once was. But I persevered, and today, I’m grateful for my experiences because they allow me to help others reclaim their lives, too.
I still have moments of doubt about sharing my mental health journey. Sometimes I wonder if other moms would judge me if they knew I live with Bipolar Disorder and that I experienced postpartum psychosis after my first child. Would they see me as unstable? Would they fear for their own children around me?
But you know what? I’ll never truly know what others think, and that’s perfectly fine. My focus is on advocating for those living with mental health challenges rather than fretting over someone else’s misconceptions.
For more insights and support on navigating the journey of motherhood and mental health, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re considering starting a family, you might find this guide on at-home insemination kits to be quite helpful!
In the end, we all have our paths to walk, and sharing mine is just one way to foster understanding and connection.