As a father of two, I pride myself on being the superior parent, at least according to my own criteria. I am more patient, more composed, and punctual to boot. I enforce strict bedtimes and regulate screen time like a hawk. Sure, I can be firm, but I also know how to have a good time, whether that means engaging in a wrestling match or a tickle fest. If there were a way to objectively measure parenting skills, I’d undoubtedly emerge victorious over my partner, Sarah, without breaking a sweat.
In fact, I’ve developed my own scoring system in my head. By my calculations, I am far ahead. Sarah, bless her heart, is a bit too lenient. She often caves in and buys the kids gummy worms right before dinner, and she’s way too relaxed about watching that new episode of Adventure Time, even when it’s past their bedtime. When the kids claim to be unwell on school mornings, she tends to take their word for it. Each of these lapses costs her points, and there are plenty more.
But despite this overwhelming evidence, Sarah sometimes acts as if she’s the better parent. It’s almost comical. Just the other evening, she called me a “birdbrain” for not making our son’s bed in her peculiar style, which I suspect is some sort of ancient bed sheet origami known only to her and the mystical rulers of Japan’s Asuka period.
There are those “experts” out there who claim that parenting shouldn’t be a contest, but I can’t help but think they’re just losing their own battles at home. Let’s be real: parenting is a fierce competition. Both parents are striving to raise their children in the best way possible—ideally, to reflect their own values. How else can we ensure that we pass on not just half of our genes, but a full 100% of our fighting spirit?
For instance, while putting my son to bed last night, Sarah and I found ourselves in a light-hearted dispute over who is more stubborn. Naturally, I argued that she takes the cake. Yet, in true stubborn fashion, she refuted my claim and insisted that I was the one being obstinate. Stalemate! To settle the dispute, I turned to our son. “Who’s more stubborn, buddy?” I asked.
He hesitated, probably not wanting to offend either parent. But I insisted. “Come on, just tell us.”
“You are,” he replied, glancing my way.
“I told you so,” Sarah said, smirking as she left the room.
“Thanks, champ,” I said, giving him a kiss on the forehead.
In that moment, he validated my point. If Sarah were indeed the better parent, he would have pointed at her, knowing that a truly great parent would take it in stride. But since I’m the better parent (just stating facts here), he felt secure enough to risk my annoyance, knowing I would forgive him for the sake of peace in our home.
My son instinctively grasped what I’ve articulated here: in the fierce competition of parenting, I emerge as the undisputed champion.
(And let’s keep this between us—don’t share this with Sarah.)
If you’re interested in exploring more on this topic, check out our post on The Better Parent Contest. For those considering home insemination, a reliable resource is CDC’s infertility FAQ, and you can find quality home insemination syringe kits at Make a Mom.
In summary, parenting is a competitive arena where each parent strives to outdo the other, all in the name of raising their children to be the best versions of themselves. While we may have our playful disputes, the ultimate goal remains the same: to nurture and guide our little ones with love and strength.
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