I get asked about the “daddy question” about once a week. Initially, it made me cringe. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing and forever damaging my kids’ emotional well-being. I imagined myself in family therapy a decade later, trying to explain to a therapist why my children were angry at the world, all because I fumbled the “daddy question.”
But time has a funny way of changing perspectives. I’ve stopped worrying so much about it. Honestly, there are countless other reasons my kids might need therapy, and this one doesn’t even crack the top twenty anymore! Now, I actually have some responses ready. My personal favorite? “It takes time to find someone special enough to be a daddy.”
When they were younger, my kids thought it was as simple as picking one up at the store. They had no idea what was taking me so long. Now that they’re six, they know it’s all a bit more complicated. They understand that a mommy and daddy should love each other, which has led to some amusing matchmaking efforts on their part.
Just last year, my son came home with tales of his friend’s uncle who had a beard, a jeep, and, believe it or not, a jet pack. Apparently, that was his idea of the perfect dad. I can’t help but be curious about the jet pack, but I chose to let that one slide.
This past weekend, my little matchmakers decided I should date the local juggler. My son was convinced that having a juggling dad would make him the coolest kid in school. He even spun an elaborate story about how amazing it would be to show off this new dad. My daughter was on board too. Imagine my relief when the town juggler was a no-show at our church event—I could picture my kids yelling, “Do you want to marry my mommy?” right in the middle of his performance!
While my kids might be a bit overzealous, I can’t deny that after five years of single life, I might be starting to look like a hopeless case. I empathize with other single moms trying to juggle family schedules with the dating scene—it’s a tall order. But there’s another layer to my challenge: I grapple with the question of whether I can truly open my heart to someone again or if past wounds have left me too damaged.
I ponder this often. I know I’m capable of love; I have two wonderful children whom I love with all my heart. I’ve built a few trusting relationships and work connections that are solid. Yet, intimacy? That’s a different ball game, one that brings me back to my deepest hurt. To be fair, intimacy can be tough for anyone, especially those who have faced significant trauma.
Some friends find my single status baffling. They question why I’m not dating and have jokingly labeled me a lesbian, which makes me think they might actually be curious. It seems there’s a societal expectation that women should never choose to be single. I briefly considered exploring a same-sex relationship, thinking it might be simpler after my past. But, I had two realizations: a healthy relationship requires trust and vulnerability, and David Beckham’s underwear ads are just too distracting.
So, for now, I wait. I’m working on trusting again and staying open to new connections. I practice saying “no” to the wrong suitors and embrace my newfound strength and voice. I’m focusing on patience and acceptance, and I hold on to hope that someday I’ll be ready to say “yes.”
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Summary
The “daddy question” is a common topic for single parents, which can initially bring anxiety. Over time, many find humor and understanding in their children’s inquiries. As a single mother, the journey of dating and intimacy can be complicated, especially after past trauma. Balancing family life with the dating scene can be challenging, but with patience and self-discovery, there’s hope for the future.