I always envisioned myself as a mom; it was just part of my life’s plan. I recall chatting with a friend during my teenage years about where we would be at 35. My answer? Married with kids. She, however, claimed she’d never have children since she believed she couldn’t be “the mom she wanted to be.” At the time, I found her reasoning utterly strange. How could she predict her future? We control our actions and define our own paths. Back then, I was a firm believer in that idea.
Reflecting on that conversation now, I realize how insightful she actually was. She was right on the money. I’m nothing like the mother I thought I’d become. That doesn’t mean I’m not a good mom; I just have my crazy moments. But let’s be honest, “that mom” I imagined? Yeah, she wouldn’t survive in my house.
The Mom I Thought I’d Be:
My kids will always feel comfortable talking to me about anything without fear of judgment.
The Mom I Am:
They talk to me about everything, and I’m judging them like I’m Judge Judy! I may not always hand down a sentence, but trust me, I’m judging hard, and they’re not even teenagers yet. Oy vey!
The Mom I Thought I’d Be:
My kids will choose the radio station in the car whenever they want.
The Mom I Am:
Oh, please. After the millionth play of “Timber,” I’m taking control of the radio. “When you have your own car, you can listen to whatever you want.” {Did I just channel my own mother?}
The Mom I Thought I’d Be:
I will play with my kids endlessly.
The Mom I Am:
I can’t believe I once thought that was feasible! I used to resent my mom for not playing with me enough, even though she actually did! With all the housework, siblings, and endless school runs, I’m lucky to find time to sit down for a meal. Another round of Candy Land? Seriously? We’ve played that five times already.
The Mom I Thought I’d Be:
We will travel the world together as a family.
The Mom I Am:
Traveling is expensive, and taking small children on trips is a mind-numbing challenge. The last time we ventured out was a two-hour drive to a soccer tournament, and I honestly considered using duct tape to silence the older two. Travel? No thank you!
The Mom I Thought I’d Be:
Each of my kids will have their own unique personality, and their behavior won’t define my self-worth.
The Mom I Am:
Oh boy, was I wrong. When they achieve something great, I feel like a superstar too. But when they act out, I can’t help but see it as a reflection of my parenting failures. I know it’s not right, but it’s how I feel.
No, I’m not the mother I always thought I’d be. I’ve got cobwebs in the corners, I’m not trendy, I can be embarrassing, and I’m not always fair. But I’m here for them every single day, and I’m laughing through it all.
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In conclusion, motherhood isn’t what I expected, but that’s okay. I’m navigating through the chaos with a sense of humor and determination.