This week, my son decided that sleep was overrated. As a result, I’m running on empty. After a sleepless night, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to take both of my boys to Target after their “nap” (and I use that term very loosely). My goal was to snag some big boxes of diapers during the baby sale and kill some time. I figured if we stayed home, I’d end up dozing off, leaving my kids free to turn the house into a disaster zone.
Sadly, my grand Target adventure didn’t go as planned. It quickly morphed into one of our most chaotic outings. I won’t bore you with all the details, but let’s just say the drive home was the breaking point. I realized I didn’t even have bedtime to look forward to, thanks to my son’s newfound talent for appearing at my bedside at all hours.
In the midst of my emotional breakdown, it hit me: I can’t have any more kids. I’m at my limit. This is my family as it stands.
I’m a tired mom of two boys, and while I yearn for more children, I know I can barely manage the ones I have. I will never experience that final pregnancy, knowing it’s my last. I won’t get to help a daughter prepare for prom, buy her tampons, or shop for her wedding dress. Wow, what a rollercoaster of emotions that outing turned out to be.
There are days when I question whether having two kids was a mistake. We often feel like we’re fumbling through this parenting gig. What if we mess them up? Then there are other days when we feel like super-parents, ready to take on the world and thinking we should have at least five more!
But today was different. After my melodramatic episode, I suddenly had a revelation. It was like a light bulb went off: I don’t need to know how many kids I’ll have right now.
People constantly ask questions like:
- Are you planning to have more?
- When will you try for a girl?
- Can’t believe you’re not expecting again!
- You’re done having kids, right?
- Are you using birth control?
Usually, I give a long-winded response about how we initially intended to space our first two kids out more but since they’re so close in age, we’ll wait a bit longer for a third. Unless, of course, life throws us a curveball.
Now my response to all those questions is simple: “We have no idea, and you’ll probably find out when we do.”
The future could go either way: we might have more kids, or we might not. The truth is, we don’t need to have everything figured out right now. After all, in my 26 and a half years of existence, I’ve learned that plans rarely unfold as we hope. If they did, I’d be a stylish mom with perfectly behaved kids, a flawless marriage, an impressive baking repertoire, and endless free time.
In reality, we don’t know what the future holds. Even if we decided we want two more kids, we might not have them. Conversely, if we think we’re done, we could end up with two unexpected blessings. I’m okay with people asking about our family plans– I really am– but honestly, we’re just riding the wave of uncertainty, and that’s perfectly fine.
Our family may or may not be complete, but for now, it certainly feels whole.
If you’re curious to learn more about family planning and insemination options, check out this excellent resource on female infertility. Also, for insights on home insemination, visit Cryobaby at Home Insemination Kit, which is an authority on this topic. And if you want to dive deeper into the complexities of family planning, this article from our other blog is a great read.
Summary:
Navigating the ups and downs of parenthood can be an emotional journey, especially when figuring out family size. In this reflection, Jamie shares her struggles with sleep-deprived parenting and the societal pressure to define family planning. Ultimately, she embraces the uncertainty and acknowledges that their family feels complete for now, even if the future remains unknown.