Is your little one packing a punch? You’re definitely not alone! It’s quite common for toddlers around the ages of two to three to express themselves through a little physicality. However, just because it’s a typical developmental phase doesn’t mean we can let it slide. So, what’s a parent to do?
Step 1: Addressing the Behavior
First things first: if your child has just hit another kiddo, calmly but firmly let them know, “No hitting.” Take a moment to set them apart from the situation and redirect your attention to the child who was hurt. Ask them, “Are you okay? How can I help?” This shows your child that hitting is not the ticket to earning the coveted adult attention.
Step 2: Teaching Apologies and Amends
Next up is teaching your child the importance of apologizing and making amends. A chatty 3½-year-old can say, “I’m sorry for hitting,” and offer a hug, a cold pack, or even share a toy. If they aren’t quite there yet, a simple “Sorry” will do. Should your little hitter refuse to apologize or if this isn’t their first offense of the day, consider a timeout as a way to encourage behavioral change. If that doesn’t do the trick, you might have to change the scenery—like heading home or moving them to another room for a little while.
Step 3: Understanding Emotions
The third step in curbing this behavior is often overlooked, particularly with boys. According to insights shared in Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys by Alex and Jordan, when girls hit, we tend to ask them, “Why did you do that?” However, with boys, we usually jump straight to correcting the behavior. This can lead to a situation where boys grow up without the vocabulary to express their emotions. If we only teach them a few colors, they’ll describe the world in a limited way. Similarly, if boys aren’t taught to recognize and articulate the full spectrum of their feelings—both positive and negative—it becomes trickier for them to “use their words.”
So, wait until your child has calmed down a bit, then ask them, as gently as possible, “Why did you hit?” See if they can identify what they were feeling—anger, frustration, jealousy, etc. If they struggle, offer some suggestions until they connect with one. Spend just a couple of minutes brainstorming alternative actions for when those feelings bubble up again.
Patience is Key
Remember, these changes won’t happen overnight; it may take weeks or even months. Consistency is key, and don’t forget, this is just a normal part of growing up. With time, your little one will learn to express themselves in better ways—until they hit that elementary school phase when boys communicate through friendly punches!
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In summary, while hitting is a normal stage of development for toddlers, addressing it with clear communication, teaching empathy, and encouraging emotional expression can help guide them through this phase.